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I vote Democrat because I believe the government will do a better job of spending the money I earn than I would.

David Letterman

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David Letterman
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: April 12
Actor
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Journalist
Talk Show Host
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Television Producer
Weather Presenter
Writer
Indianapolis
Indiana
David Michael Letterman
Earl Hofert
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More quotes by David Letterman

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They're doing everything they can to tighten security at the White House. Today, on the roof of the White House, they added one of those fake owls.
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You know, we had the elections earlier in the week, and a dead woman, in Pennsylvania, somehow was on the ballot and she was elected to city council. A dead woman actually elected! And I'm thinking, well, I guess there is still hope for Al Gore.
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We have defeated Saddam Hussein and Iraq. The good news is Iraq is ours, and the bad news is Iraq is ours.
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At the White House, they caught another fence jumper earlier today. It was Obama trying to get out.
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Experts say this global warming is serious, and they are predicting now that by the year 2050, we will be out of party ice.
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Snooki is now a published author. I'm blaming Sarah Palin. She lowered the bar.
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The Catholic Church has a tough new policy on child molestors: three strikes and you're a cardinal.
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President Bush has been silent on Schwarzenegger. Of course, he can't pronounce Schwarzenegger.
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Mitt Romney was a guest on 'The Tonight Show' on NBC. It's interesting — you have an empty suit trying to please everyone, and then Romney comes out.
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There are a lot of New York City Thanksgiving traditions. For example, a lot of New Yorkers don't buy the frozen Thanksgiving turkey. They prefer to buy the bird live and then push it in front of a subway train.
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Illinois is the only state where the present governor rides around in a car whose license plate was made by a previous governor.
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But I was thinking about this, the Obamas want to adopt a stray dog from the pound. And I think that is admirable. I believe the last president to bring a stray dog into the White House got impeached.
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Stocks are at an all-time high today. I don't have any money in the stock market. I don't have the stomach for the ups and downs. So about 20 years ago I put all of my money and liquid assets into videotape rewind machines.
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Keep in mind that your individual vote doesn't mean anything.
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Bill Clinton has a brand new book coming out in a few months and the Democrats are worried that the Clinton book might upstage the Kerry campaign. I'm thinking, hell, day-old meat loaf could upstage that campaign.
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Why we are here: To tremble at the terrible beauty of the stars, to shed a tear at the perfection of Beethoven's symphonies, and to crack a cold one now and then.
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The night before the Olympics opening ceremony, my son, who is eight years old, gets very excited and likes to put out a plate of cookies and some milk for Bob Costas.
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The general election's taking place today in Iraq, so I guess that means we're one step closer to being there for another 10 years.
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Our guest tonight is Michelle Obama, first lady of the United States. She's here to announce her run for president.
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Hillary has now erased all of her emails, and she also had all of her pantsuits dry cleaned.
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