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You're not really drinking coffee unless you drink it black, don't you think? Oh, no? You like to monkey with it?
David Letterman
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David Letterman
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: April 12
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Talk Show Host
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Weather Presenter
Writer
Indianapolis
Indiana
David Michael Letterman
Earl Hofert
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Coffee
Drinking
Drink
Unless
Black
Really
Think
Monkey
Thinking
Monkeys
More quotes by David Letterman
Today is Earth Day. The way I see it, as humans the very least we can do is recycle. A lot of recycling is going on this year. For example, Bushes and Clintons.
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A priest in New York City was arrested on gun possession. These days, you better be happy that the bulge in his pocket is a .38.
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President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?
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It looks like President Bush will be handing over power to the Iraqis by June 30th. That's amazing and not only that, but it looks like he'll be handing over power to the Democrats by November 2nd.
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Now there are reports that Osama bin Laden would like to commit suicide on television. This is the kind of lead-in I have been praying for every since I came to CBS. Bin Laden is planning a televised suicide or, as I call it, hosting the Academy Awards.
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Because Utah is largely Mormon country, the firing squad's a little different. You're blindfolded but no cigarette.
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I'm just trying to make a smudge on the collective unconscious.
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Our guest tonight is Michelle Obama, first lady of the United States. She's here to announce her run for president.
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Sarah Palin had a big op-ed piece in the Wall Street Journal, and she said she's against death panels. And I thought, 'Really? She's the one who pulled the plug on the McCain campaign.'
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I had no idea this thing was televised. Boy, is my face red.
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The Japanese Prime Minister has apologized for Japan's part in World War II. However, he still hasn't mentioned anything about karaoke.
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A guy in Pennsylvania was arrested because he was drunk in his golf cart going from bar to bar. So they arrested him. I said: Wait a minute. Isn't that golf?
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