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I'm just trying to make a smudge on the collective unconscious.

David Letterman

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David Letterman
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: April 12
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Talk Show Host
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Weather Presenter
Writer
Indianapolis
Indiana
David Michael Letterman
Earl Hofert
Goal
Change
Trying
Smudge
Make
Collectives
Collective
Unconscious
Comedy
Justice

More quotes by David Letterman

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And how about that Barack Obama? You know what they're saying? For the first time he's starting to slip in the polls. Barack Obama is starting to slip in the polls. Don't worry. He's got a plan. He's going to be to campaigning in Europe.
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I don't like stand-up comedy that requires a lot of props. I really respect people who can walk out onstage alone and with no other tool but their own minds and can make you laugh and maybe even think a little.
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Iraq's elite Republican Guard is doing so badly they're changing their name to the Democratic Guard.
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New York now leads the world's great cities in the number of people around whom you shouldn't make a sudden move.
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I spend most of my free time under the house.
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Herman Cain was unaware that China is a nuclear power. And I said to myself, 'Hey, Herman, how about making an unwanted advance on a history book?'
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Donald Trump is on the show tonight. Donald is a big man, I think 230 pounds -- 235 with cologne.
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It's two days until tax time. I know it's late, but there is still time to deduct this show as a loss.
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Over in Afghanistan, Osama stuck his head out of the cave and saw a shadow. So, that means six more weeks of bombing.
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The Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade has new balloons this year including the Pillsbury Doughboy balloon and the first openly gay balloon. Also the Thomas Tank Engine balloon, and they even have the Ebola nurse balloon.
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While I was gone, I had quintuple bypass surgery on my heart. Plus, I got a haircut.
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We thought New York City was home to 8 million rats. Turns out, that's a little high. The actual number is 2 million rats. That explains the light turnout for the midterm elections.
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The candidates at the Republican debate looked like a town council that was outlawing dancing. They looked like a board of directors that was lying about poisoning a river.
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President Obama went to India, South Korea, then Japan. He's going to keep travelling until he finds his birth certificate.
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Ted Cruz could be president of the United States. If you thought the Secret Service was drinking before
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But I was thinking about this, the Obamas want to adopt a stray dog from the pound. And I think that is admirable. I believe the last president to bring a stray dog into the White House got impeached.
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The Democrats were crushed in the midterm elections. The Republican juggernaut pounded the Democrats, and the pundits say they will not really know what happened to the Democrats until they find the black box.
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Here in New York City you can now walk around smoking weed and all they will do if they see you is write you a ticket. Unfortunately, the ticket will be to a Jets game.
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The Pope also said that while he's in town he would like to go see 'The Book of Mormon.'
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Fine art and pizza delivery: what we do falls neatly in between.
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