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There's no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting.

David Letterman

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David Letterman
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: April 12
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Talk Show Host
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Weather Presenter
Writer
Indianapolis
Indiana
David Michael Letterman
Earl Hofert
Shows
Like
Accounting
Businesses
Several
Show
Business

More quotes by David Letterman

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Bronco Rick Perry is the first candidate I've ever heard say he's not doing well because he's sleepy. You know, we criticized George W. Bush a lot, but there was one thing he was very disciplined about, and that was getting his full eight years of sleep.
David Letterman
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The 2016 presidential campaign is heating up. Can you feel the indifference, the apathy?
David Letterman
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Do you know who is ready to go with the presidential campaign? Jeb Bush. Jeb already has plans to end the war in Iraq that his brother started. All he needs is a hot tub time machine.
David Letterman
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A guy in Pennsylvania was arrested because he was drunk in his golf cart going from bar to bar. So they arrested him. I said: Wait a minute. Isn't that golf?
David Letterman
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Have you been following the big oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico? Or as we call it now, the Dead Sea.
David Letterman
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Because Utah is largely Mormon country, the firing squad's a little different. You're blindfolded but no cigarette.
David Letterman
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The morning after I had my heart bypass, the doctor called and said, Soon you'll be able to have sex. I said, I've heard that for years.
David Letterman
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All comedians are preoccupied with one thing and with one thing only-themmm-selllves. It's a horrible lot in life.
David Letterman
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Mitt Romney is not going to be running for president. So you know what that means. We are getting closer and closer to 'President Trump.'
David Letterman
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I feel like Bush presidencies are like Godfather films. You should stop at two.
David Letterman
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My political position is that I'm happy to be alive and in North America.
David Letterman
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I vote Democrat because I believe oil companies profits of 4% on a gallon of gas are obscene, but the government taxing the same gallon at 15% isn't.
David Letterman
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Paul Ryan announced that after a lot of thought, and talking it over with family and friends, that he is not going to run for president in 2016. I'm telling you, this announcement sent shock waves through no one.
David Letterman
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Keep in mind that your individual vote doesn't mean anything.
David Letterman
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Donald Trump is talking about running for president. He hasn't made an announcement, but I want to tell you something. The fake suspense is killing me.
David Letterman
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Jeb Bush has to distance himself from what they call the Bush brand. So he keeps saying, 'I am my own man.' But when Governor Chris Christie is out on the campaign trail, he's always saying, 'I'm my own man, plus another guy.'
David Letterman
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President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?
David Letterman
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You can't eat tomatoes because they're tainted with deadly salmonella. First there was tainted lettuce. Now, tainted tomatoes. Who would have thought that the healthiest part of a B.L.T. would be the bacon?
David Letterman
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The Catholic Church has a tough new policy on child molestors: three strikes and you're a cardinal.
David Letterman
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Mitt Romney and his family have a big two-day weekend plan. They're going to hike to the top of his money.
David Letterman