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I cannot sing, dance or act what else would I be but a talk show host.

David Letterman

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David Letterman
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: April 12
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Talk Show Host
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Weather Presenter
Writer
Indianapolis
Indiana
David Michael Letterman
Earl Hofert
Dance
Talk
Show
Fidgeting
Funny
Host
Shows
Witty
Else
Humorous
Cannot
Would
Sing

More quotes by David Letterman

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You know, Sarah Palin is the Governor of Alaska, you know that. And she's a lifelong member of the National Rifle Association. So great, is what I'm thinking, another vice president that shoots a drinking buddy just get ready.
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Iraq's elite Republican Guard is doing so badly they're changing their name to the Democratic Guard.
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Bronco Rick Perry is the first candidate I've ever heard say he's not doing well because he's sleepy. You know, we criticized George W. Bush a lot, but there was one thing he was very disciplined about, and that was getting his full eight years of sleep.
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President Bush announced that the war in Iraq has been won. It's all over, it's been won. I believe this would be Bush's first uncontested victory.
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It's tax season. When I woke this morning and realized it was tax season, I said, My God, didn't we just pay taxes last year?
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Don't worry. It's just a flesh wound.
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President Obama and his wife are going to Kenya. Donald Trump said, 'While you're there, pick up your birth certificate.'
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Did you hear about this genius that got on a plane and set fire to his feet? Turns out he had bombs in his shoes and the problem all started when the flight attendants asked him nicely to extinguish his feet. He was wearing exploding sneakers. The new Nike Air-Jihads!
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North Korean dictator Kim Jung Il may be stepping down. Yeah, experts in the State Department say he could be replaced by his son, Menta Li Ill.
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I like Mitt Romney. He looks like the guy who comes with the picture frame.
David Letterman
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The Mars Polar Lander has been quieter than George W. Bush after a foreign policy question.
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It is cold down in Washington, DC. They had to use an ice scraper on John Boehner's face to get the tears off, it was so cold.
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Finally we got some good news about the economy. Barack Obama got $800 billion to rescue the economy. All I can say is, 'Thank you, Oprah.'
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Doritos-flavored Mountain Dew is coming. You drink it, you get a combination of type 1 and type 2 diabetes.
David Letterman
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Scientists have proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that there is life after death -- though they say it's virtually impossible to get decent Chinese food.
David Letterman
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New York is great though. If you?re here and want a one of a kind souvenir be sure to take home the police sketch of your assailant.
David Letterman
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Mitt Romney, two-time Republican presidential hopeful, boxed former heavyweight champion of the world Evander Holyfield for charity. It was a horrible moment when Romney bit off Holyfield's other ear.
David Letterman
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Nothing, believe me, nothing is more satisfying to me personally than getting a great idea and then beatin' it to death.
David Letterman
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Recently a guy was having trouble with his computer. So he unplugs it, takes it out in the alley, pulls out a gun, and shoots it eight times. Coincidentally, that's how Hillary got rid of her emails.
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In Hollywood, Oscar is king.
David Letterman