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I would say just stop watching me, I guess, at this point. That is what I do, and it probably is, in some way, a bit of a lecture. I can see how that's not something that would be enticing for you to watch in a stand-up hour.

David Cross

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David Cross
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: April 4
Actor
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Roswell
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More quotes by David Cross

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We get to see it! January 1st, 2000! We get to see... all those fundamentalist preachers having to do their backpedaling when the Armageddon doesn't occur.
David Cross
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It's not that I don't have kids for some personal reason outside of, I just haven't had kids. And I haven't met someone who wanted to, as far as I know. And perhaps I'm attracted to women who aren't ready to make that commitment just yet.
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If you wanna find out 101 things to do with plums, heh, read your in-flight magazine.
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I did one of the worst shows for that kind of thing in Northampton, Massachusetts, which is one of the most liberal spots on the planet. There were numerous people who walked out, somebody had thrown a beer, I had people yelling and screaming.
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It probably does make it more difficult to enjoy a good laugh at someone who's onstage, seemingly yelling at you. But I'm not yelling at the audience, I'm yelling at the world. It genuinely sucks if people are taking it that way. But I'm not talking to individuals.
David Cross
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I know Dave [Attel] and we're friendly, and I have nothing but respect for him.
David Cross
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I really don't have a problem with gay marriage... because I'm tolerant and rational.
David Cross
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Hopefully people will be reinventing comedy forever and ever. This is just what I do, and it's a type of comedy.
David Cross
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Ive got a lot of friends there and there is stuff to do but as much as I dislike LA I really like living and working in New York City.
David Cross
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I was born Jewish, but I am an atheist. I dont believe in God.
David Cross
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I also try to think of ways to articulate the joke more economically.
David Cross
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The underpinning of immigration concerns is xenophobia and racism and nationalism.
David Cross
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[On the Dating Handbook] 'With a telescope, some munchies, and a warm blanket, watch for Halley's comet.' Yeah. I like that. There's no time limit. Just sit there and grow old together.
David Cross
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I don't want to do 20 minutes on Donald Trump. I want to do 10 minutes and move on. I wouldn't even do that with a live show, because I don't want it to feel like An Evening Of Political Comedy.
David Cross
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I'd be curious to find out, but I don't think people in the entertainment industry are proportionally more or less serious politically than anyone in the landscaping industry.
David Cross
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Florida was the low point.The entire state, yep. I'm not sure I'd go back.
David Cross
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Aqua Teen Hunger Force is one of the funniest shows on TV and I was a little intimidated working with those guys 'cause you're in a sound booth by yourself and they're all in a room in Atlanta.
David Cross
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There are really funny alternative comics and really funny straight comics who write and perform traditionally.
David Cross
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I love doing stuff with Todd Barry and Jon Benjamin. We give the stage to good bands and funny people.
David Cross
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I do lots of other drugs but I smoke pot maybe 5-10 times a year now. I used to smoke it all the time, but I don't, and I haven't for awhile. That's just because it makes me - and I'm not saying this about everybody else - but it makes me kind of dumb and self-conscious.
David Cross