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I would say just stop watching me, I guess, at this point. That is what I do, and it probably is, in some way, a bit of a lecture. I can see how that's not something that would be enticing for you to watch in a stand-up hour.

David Cross

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David Cross
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: April 4
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Singer
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Roswell
Georgia
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Lecture
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More quotes by David Cross

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If you wanna find out 101 things to do with plums, heh, read your in-flight magazine.
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I do lots of other drugs but I smoke pot maybe 5-10 times a year now. I used to smoke it all the time, but I don't, and I haven't for awhile. That's just because it makes me - and I'm not saying this about everybody else - but it makes me kind of dumb and self-conscious.
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I am truly passionate and concerned about the lack of empathy that people show towards one another.
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I love doing stuff with Todd Barry and Jon Benjamin. We give the stage to good bands and funny people.
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There were a handful of shows that were just painful. Not many, but things where I just said going into it, Why am I here? What am I doing?
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The best thing about me is there are no skeletons.
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I know Dave [Attel] and we're friendly, and I have nothing but respect for him.
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In my political philosophy - which is definitely more socialist Democrat than centrist politician like Hillary Clinton - I think regulation for banks and those platforms that Bernie Sanders had are good for the whole of America.
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I think for a lot of people, it's just where their saturation point was. Once you get into the [Donald] Trump stuff and the Republican stuff and the Ayn Rand followers, it doesn't let up for about half an hour. It gets hard and stays hard for a while.
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I'm directing the Sky show. I'm not going to be in it. I'm just writing and directing it. So that'll satisfy that part of my brain.
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Florida was the low point.The entire state, yep. I'm not sure I'd go back.
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Nobody is going to be as bad for free thinking, right-minded individuals than George Bush.
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The South has more of a disproportionate amount of irony on T-shirts than any other region in the country.
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I did one of the worst shows for that kind of thing in Northampton, Massachusetts, which is one of the most liberal spots on the planet. There were numerous people who walked out, somebody had thrown a beer, I had people yelling and screaming.
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Because you've been on dates where y'know, you forget to open your eyes and wear pants and speak English.
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I really don't have a problem with gay marriage... because I'm tolerant and rational.
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I think pornography is the only art form where you can be videotaped on a shaky handy cam sucking off a horse and be considered a star.
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I'm pretty happy. I obviously have complaints about things, but for the most part, I'm on the above-average side of happy people.
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It's not that I don't have kids for some personal reason outside of, I just haven't had kids. And I haven't met someone who wanted to, as far as I know. And perhaps I'm attracted to women who aren't ready to make that commitment just yet.
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I'm very vocal about my belief that all religion is garbage. Most of my friends are religious or at least spiritual. These are people I like and I know are intelligent. It's this thing that I carry around. I know I'd be a better person if I was fairer, but it's at the core of who I am and what I believe.
David Cross