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I'm a professional comic. Whether you think I'm funny or not, that's, again, subjective.

David Cross

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David Cross
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: April 4
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Singer
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Roswell
Georgia
Subjective
Professional
Comic
Whether
Funny
Think
Thinking

More quotes by David Cross

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I read the New York Times, and if I'm in a different city, I'll skim that paper.
David Cross
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I think the policies, for the most part, that [Hillary Clinton] will put in place are not going to make positive changes. There'll be more status quo. She'll certainly be good for some groups of people. Whatever.
David Cross
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I would say just stop watching me, I guess, at this point. That is what I do, and it probably is, in some way, a bit of a lecture. I can see how that's not something that would be enticing for you to watch in a stand-up hour.
David Cross
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There are really funny alternative comics and really funny straight comics who write and perform traditionally.
David Cross
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There were a number of referendums in '98 that most of the things I voted for passed. That's very satisfying when you feel that most of the country is in step with your views.
David Cross
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Because you've been on dates where y'know, you forget to open your eyes and wear pants and speak English.
David Cross
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I'm not going to benefit from free college education, but I think all those things are good for the country.
David Cross
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I do lots of other drugs but I smoke pot maybe 5-10 times a year now. I used to smoke it all the time, but I don't, and I haven't for awhile. That's just because it makes me - and I'm not saying this about everybody else - but it makes me kind of dumb and self-conscious.
David Cross
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I think for a lot of people, it's just where their saturation point was. Once you get into the [Donald] Trump stuff and the Republican stuff and the Ayn Rand followers, it doesn't let up for about half an hour. It gets hard and stays hard for a while.
David Cross
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I think people, for the most part, actually want what they think is best.
David Cross
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You can't just yell jokes at people.
David Cross
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High Times magazine is a notch intellectually below Highlights for Children. I mean, they're both great to read when you're baked, but come on, ya know.
David Cross
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In my political philosophy - which is definitely more socialist Democrat than centrist politician like Hillary Clinton - I think regulation for banks and those platforms that Bernie Sanders had are good for the whole of America.
David Cross
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It's not that I don't have kids for some personal reason outside of, I just haven't had kids. And I haven't met someone who wanted to, as far as I know. And perhaps I'm attracted to women who aren't ready to make that commitment just yet.
David Cross
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We get to see it! January 1st, 2000! We get to see... all those fundamentalist preachers having to do their backpedaling when the Armageddon doesn't occur.
David Cross
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The Bible is the funniest book I have ever read. It's so funny! Right in the first six pages, it's funny!
David Cross
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Sketches have characters, exits, entrances and are vastly different.
David Cross
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I also try to think of ways to articulate the joke more economically.
David Cross
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I've gotten condescending a million times, and that's not good.
David Cross
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I went to a bunch of marches in New York and Washington, and you know I believe in the cause, but to march with those people takes a lot of compromise on my end.
David Cross