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I don't want to do 20 minutes on Donald Trump. I want to do 10 minutes and move on. I wouldn't even do that with a live show, because I don't want it to feel like An Evening Of Political Comedy.

David Cross

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David Cross
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: April 4
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Singer
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Roswell
Georgia
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Show
Moving
Evening
Shows
Donald
Political
Wouldn
Live
Move
Feel
Minutes
Feels
Trump
Even
Comedy

More quotes by David Cross

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The Bible is the funniest book I have ever read. It's so funny! Right in the first six pages, it's funny!
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I've never written jokes. I mean, I'll write things on a piece of paper and riff on them onstage.
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I'm not a centrist, and there's nothing about me that's centrist. I never have been.
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You can't just yell jokes at people.
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We should just get somebody from the left and the right and they should all throw bumper stickers at each other and the first one to cover the other one wins.
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I have a few business ideas (that I'm going to advertise in High Times, amongst other places), and one of them is a service in which I offer to eat and describe pork to kosher people.
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I'm a professional comic. Whether you think I'm funny or not, that's, again, subjective.
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I just did 101 shows in 86 different cities in America and Europe and Canada, and I'm not lying or exaggerating when I say, at the vast majority of shows, they loved it. There were encores, there were standing ovations.
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[On the Dating Handbook] 'With a telescope, some munchies, and a warm blanket, watch for Halley's comet.' Yeah. I like that. There's no time limit. Just sit there and grow old together.
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Hopefully people are upset for the reason I want them to be upset. Even when I was doing open mics, I've always had people upset. I've never been the consummate crowd-pleaser.
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I'm very vocal about my belief that all religion is garbage. Most of my friends are religious or at least spiritual. These are people I like and I know are intelligent. It's this thing that I carry around. I know I'd be a better person if I was fairer, but it's at the core of who I am and what I believe.
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I'd say 95 percent of my audience was white. They were mostly kind of older hipster folks like myself.
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I do lots of other drugs but I smoke pot maybe 5-10 times a year now. I used to smoke it all the time, but I don't, and I haven't for awhile. That's just because it makes me - and I'm not saying this about everybody else - but it makes me kind of dumb and self-conscious.
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High Times magazine is a notch intellectually below Highlights for Children. I mean, they're both great to read when you're baked, but come on, ya know.
David Cross
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You cannot win a War on Terrorism. It's like having a war on jealousy.
David Cross
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I read the New York Times, and if I'm in a different city, I'll skim that paper.
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I would say just stop watching me, I guess, at this point. That is what I do, and it probably is, in some way, a bit of a lecture. I can see how that's not something that would be enticing for you to watch in a stand-up hour.
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Florida was the low point.The entire state, yep. I'm not sure I'd go back.
David Cross
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I've gotten condescending a million times, and that's not good.
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I know Dave [Attel] and we're friendly, and I have nothing but respect for him.
David Cross