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The Bible is the funniest book I have ever read. It's so funny! Right in the first six pages, it's funny!
David Cross
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David Cross
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: April 4
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Singer
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Roswell
Georgia
Right
Bible
Pages
Read
Funny
Ever
Firsts
Book
Funniest
First
Six
More quotes by David Cross
I know Dave [Attel] and we're friendly, and I have nothing but respect for him.
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Hopefully people will be reinventing comedy forever and ever. This is just what I do, and it's a type of comedy.
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I hate bumper stickers, you can't sum anything up. All you do is paint yourself in some caricaturist corner.
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I'm a professional comic. Whether you think I'm funny or not, that's, again, subjective.
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I think for a lot of people, it's just where their saturation point was. Once you get into the [Donald] Trump stuff and the Republican stuff and the Ayn Rand followers, it doesn't let up for about half an hour. It gets hard and stays hard for a while.
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I'm finally going to be able to finally criticize [Hillary Clinton] without being accused of being a sexist - that idea. I'm not a fan, I don't like her, but you can't say anything without being accused of being a sexist pig, which is unfair.
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If you wanna find out 101 things to do with plums, heh, read your in-flight magazine.
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You cannot win a War on Terrorism. It's like having a war on jealousy.
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It's not that I don't have kids for some personal reason outside of, I just haven't had kids. And I haven't met someone who wanted to, as far as I know. And perhaps I'm attracted to women who aren't ready to make that commitment just yet.
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I'd like to think that I'm not just making the point that I'm an atheist over and over, but that I explore different facets of religion. There's no way of bringing up religion without sounding like an asshole.
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I am against the war, but I do support our white troops. No, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I'm not a Republican. I'm not a member of the party of inclusion. Wonderful, tolerant, rational human beings they are.
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I don't want to do 20 minutes on Donald Trump. I want to do 10 minutes and move on. I wouldn't even do that with a live show, because I don't want it to feel like An Evening Of Political Comedy.
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Hopefully people are upset for the reason I want them to be upset. Even when I was doing open mics, I've always had people upset. I've never been the consummate crowd-pleaser.
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I think I could have a funnier, more economic sets. But that's the comedy I do. And I understand if people aren't interested in it and would rather listen to someone else. But I'll never understand the anger people have toward me.
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