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Because you've been on dates where y'know, you forget to open your eyes and wear pants and speak English.

David Cross

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David Cross
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: April 4
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Singer
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Roswell
Georgia
Funny
Pants
Speak
English
Wear
Humor
Open
Eyes
Forget
Eye
Dates

More quotes by David Cross

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[On the Dating Handbook] 'With a telescope, some munchies, and a warm blanket, watch for Halley's comet.' Yeah. I like that. There's no time limit. Just sit there and grow old together.
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I went to a bunch of marches in New York and Washington, and you know I believe in the cause, but to march with those people takes a lot of compromise on my end.
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High Times magazine is a notch intellectually below Highlights for Children. I mean, they're both great to read when you're baked, but come on, ya know.
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It's not that I don't have kids for some personal reason outside of, I just haven't had kids. And I haven't met someone who wanted to, as far as I know. And perhaps I'm attracted to women who aren't ready to make that commitment just yet.
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I do not want to encourage heckling and outbreaks at all.
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I know Dave [Attel] and we're friendly, and I have nothing but respect for him.
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The Bible is the funniest book I have ever read. It's so funny! Right in the first six pages, it's funny!
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I hate bumper stickers, you can't sum anything up. All you do is paint yourself in some caricaturist corner.
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Nobody is going to be as bad for free thinking, right-minded individuals than George Bush.
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I'm not going to benefit from free college education, but I think all those things are good for the country.
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I'd say 95 percent of my audience was white. They were mostly kind of older hipster folks like myself.
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Florida was the low point.The entire state, yep. I'm not sure I'd go back.
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I would say just stop watching me, I guess, at this point. That is what I do, and it probably is, in some way, a bit of a lecture. I can see how that's not something that would be enticing for you to watch in a stand-up hour.
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There's the disingenuous duplicitousness, but you can apply that to every politician, really.
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I've never written jokes. I mean, I'll write things on a piece of paper and riff on them onstage.
David Cross
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The underpinning of immigration concerns is xenophobia and racism and nationalism.
David Cross
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The South has more of a disproportionate amount of irony on T-shirts than any other region in the country.
David Cross
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I think for a lot of people, it's just where their saturation point was. Once you get into the [Donald] Trump stuff and the Republican stuff and the Ayn Rand followers, it doesn't let up for about half an hour. It gets hard and stays hard for a while.
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Sketches have characters, exits, entrances and are vastly different.
David Cross
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I was born Jewish, but I am an atheist. I dont believe in God.
David Cross