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Because you've been on dates where y'know, you forget to open your eyes and wear pants and speak English.
David Cross
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David Cross
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: April 4
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Singer
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Roswell
Georgia
Humor
Open
Eyes
Forget
Eye
Dates
Funny
Pants
Speak
English
Wear
More quotes by David Cross
I know Dave [Attel] and we're friendly, and I have nothing but respect for him.
David Cross
I know this is obviously biased as well, but in my Twitter feed, on my Facebook, 90 percent are gushing, glowing, Thank you for doing that - type of reviews. It's ballsy, it's honest, it's hilarious - that kind of stuff. Obviously those are fans.
David Cross
I don't want to do 20 minutes on Donald Trump. I want to do 10 minutes and move on. I wouldn't even do that with a live show, because I don't want it to feel like An Evening Of Political Comedy.
David Cross
I'm not a centrist, and there's nothing about me that's centrist. I never have been.
David Cross
The Bible is the funniest book I have ever read. It's so funny! Right in the first six pages, it's funny!
David Cross
I'm concerned about organized religion getting away with what it gets away with.
David Cross
I did one of the worst shows for that kind of thing in Northampton, Massachusetts, which is one of the most liberal spots on the planet. There were numerous people who walked out, somebody had thrown a beer, I had people yelling and screaming.
David Cross
The best thing about me is there are no skeletons.
David Cross
Florida was the low point.The entire state, yep. I'm not sure I'd go back.
David Cross
Hopefully people are upset for the reason I want them to be upset. Even when I was doing open mics, I've always had people upset. I've never been the consummate crowd-pleaser.
David Cross
I hate bumper stickers, you can't sum anything up. All you do is paint yourself in some caricaturist corner.
David Cross
I just did 101 shows in 86 different cities in America and Europe and Canada, and I'm not lying or exaggerating when I say, at the vast majority of shows, they loved it. There were encores, there were standing ovations.
David Cross
I went to a bunch of marches in New York and Washington, and you know I believe in the cause, but to march with those people takes a lot of compromise on my end.
David Cross
I think people, for the most part, actually want what they think is best.
David Cross
I do lots of other drugs but I smoke pot maybe 5-10 times a year now. I used to smoke it all the time, but I don't, and I haven't for awhile. That's just because it makes me - and I'm not saying this about everybody else - but it makes me kind of dumb and self-conscious.
David Cross
I love doing stuff with Todd Barry and Jon Benjamin. We give the stage to good bands and funny people.
David Cross
You cannot win a War on Terrorism. It's like having a war on jealousy.
David Cross
In my political philosophy - which is definitely more socialist Democrat than centrist politician like Hillary Clinton - I think regulation for banks and those platforms that Bernie Sanders had are good for the whole of America.
David Cross
I'd like to think that I'm not just making the point that I'm an atheist over and over, but that I explore different facets of religion. There's no way of bringing up religion without sounding like an asshole.
David Cross
I'm finally going to be able to finally criticize [Hillary Clinton] without being accused of being a sexist - that idea. I'm not a fan, I don't like her, but you can't say anything without being accused of being a sexist pig, which is unfair.
David Cross
