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Because you've been on dates where y'know, you forget to open your eyes and wear pants and speak English.

David Cross

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David Cross
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: April 4
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Singer
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Roswell
Georgia
Humor
Open
Eyes
Forget
Eye
Dates
Funny
Pants
Speak
English
Wear

More quotes by David Cross

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I do lots of other drugs but I smoke pot maybe 5-10 times a year now. I used to smoke it all the time, but I don't, and I haven't for awhile. That's just because it makes me - and I'm not saying this about everybody else - but it makes me kind of dumb and self-conscious.
David Cross
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We get to see it! January 1st, 2000! We get to see... all those fundamentalist preachers having to do their backpedaling when the Armageddon doesn't occur.
David Cross
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I'm not a centrist, and there's nothing about me that's centrist. I never have been.
David Cross
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The South has more of a disproportionate amount of irony on T-shirts than any other region in the country.
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We should just get somebody from the left and the right and they should all throw bumper stickers at each other and the first one to cover the other one wins.
David Cross
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I hate bumper stickers, you can't sum anything up. All you do is paint yourself in some caricaturist corner.
David Cross
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I've never written jokes. I mean, I'll write things on a piece of paper and riff on them onstage.
David Cross
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My biggest problem is retaining the exact information.
David Cross
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You can't just yell jokes at people.
David Cross
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I was born Jewish, but I am an atheist. I dont believe in God.
David Cross
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I would say just stop watching me, I guess, at this point. That is what I do, and it probably is, in some way, a bit of a lecture. I can see how that's not something that would be enticing for you to watch in a stand-up hour.
David Cross
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In my political philosophy - which is definitely more socialist Democrat than centrist politician like Hillary Clinton - I think regulation for banks and those platforms that Bernie Sanders had are good for the whole of America.
David Cross
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I know this is obviously biased as well, but in my Twitter feed, on my Facebook, 90 percent are gushing, glowing, Thank you for doing that - type of reviews. It's ballsy, it's honest, it's hilarious - that kind of stuff. Obviously those are fans.
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And it's one more shitty thing to write about somebody, in between getting really, really, really upset at female Ghostbusters and Gamergate, and the things that really matter.
David Cross
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I'm not going to benefit from free college education, but I think all those things are good for the country.
David Cross
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I have a few business ideas (that I'm going to advertise in High Times, amongst other places), and one of them is a service in which I offer to eat and describe pork to kosher people.
David Cross
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I am truly passionate and concerned about the lack of empathy that people show towards one another.
David Cross
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I'm concerned about how and why there is no gun control.
David Cross
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It's not that I don't have kids for some personal reason outside of, I just haven't had kids. And I haven't met someone who wanted to, as far as I know. And perhaps I'm attracted to women who aren't ready to make that commitment just yet.
David Cross
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Hopefully people are upset for the reason I want them to be upset. Even when I was doing open mics, I've always had people upset. I've never been the consummate crowd-pleaser.
David Cross