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Because you've been on dates where y'know, you forget to open your eyes and wear pants and speak English.

David Cross

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David Cross
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: April 4
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Singer
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Roswell
Georgia
Forget
Eye
Dates
Funny
Pants
Speak
English
Wear
Humor
Open
Eyes

More quotes by David Cross

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If you wanna find out 101 things to do with plums, heh, read your in-flight magazine.
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I would say just stop watching me, I guess, at this point. That is what I do, and it probably is, in some way, a bit of a lecture. I can see how that's not something that would be enticing for you to watch in a stand-up hour.
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I think the policies, for the most part, that [Hillary Clinton] will put in place are not going to make positive changes. There'll be more status quo. She'll certainly be good for some groups of people. Whatever.
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It probably does make it more difficult to enjoy a good laugh at someone who's onstage, seemingly yelling at you. But I'm not yelling at the audience, I'm yelling at the world. It genuinely sucks if people are taking it that way. But I'm not talking to individuals.
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I know Dave [Attel] and we're friendly, and I have nothing but respect for him.
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I've gotten condescending a million times, and that's not good.
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Ive got a lot of friends there and there is stuff to do but as much as I dislike LA I really like living and working in New York City.
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There are really funny alternative comics and really funny straight comics who write and perform traditionally.
David Cross
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I went to a bunch of marches in New York and Washington, and you know I believe in the cause, but to march with those people takes a lot of compromise on my end.
David Cross
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I'd be curious to find out, but I don't think people in the entertainment industry are proportionally more or less serious politically than anyone in the landscaping industry.
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I hate bumper stickers, you can't sum anything up. All you do is paint yourself in some caricaturist corner.
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We should just get somebody from the left and the right and they should all throw bumper stickers at each other and the first one to cover the other one wins.
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I love doing stuff with Todd Barry and Jon Benjamin. We give the stage to good bands and funny people.
David Cross
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I do lots of other drugs but I smoke pot maybe 5-10 times a year now. I used to smoke it all the time, but I don't, and I haven't for awhile. That's just because it makes me - and I'm not saying this about everybody else - but it makes me kind of dumb and self-conscious.
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You can't just yell jokes at people.
David Cross
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There were a handful of shows that were just painful. Not many, but things where I just said going into it, Why am I here? What am I doing?
David Cross
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I work a lot and I like to get out and work but the work I do to make the other work work I'm not very good at.
David Cross
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I've had plenty of negative reviews. I have my entire life.
David Cross
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It's not that I don't have kids for some personal reason outside of, I just haven't had kids. And I haven't met someone who wanted to, as far as I know. And perhaps I'm attracted to women who aren't ready to make that commitment just yet.
David Cross
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I think pornography is the only art form where you can be videotaped on a shaky handy cam sucking off a horse and be considered a star.
David Cross