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I have a few business ideas (that I'm going to advertise in High Times, amongst other places), and one of them is a service in which I offer to eat and describe pork to kosher people.

David Cross

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David Cross
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: April 4
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Singer
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Roswell
Georgia
Service
Ideas
Offers
Going
Places
Kosher
People
Humor
Advertise
High
Pork
Times
Amongst
Describe
Funny
Offer
Business

More quotes by David Cross

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I'm finally going to be able to finally criticize [Hillary Clinton] without being accused of being a sexist - that idea. I'm not a fan, I don't like her, but you can't say anything without being accused of being a sexist pig, which is unfair.
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I think I could have a funnier, more economic sets. But that's the comedy I do. And I understand if people aren't interested in it and would rather listen to someone else. But I'll never understand the anger people have toward me.
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I do lots of other drugs but I smoke pot maybe 5-10 times a year now. I used to smoke it all the time, but I don't, and I haven't for awhile. That's just because it makes me - and I'm not saying this about everybody else - but it makes me kind of dumb and self-conscious.
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And it's one more shitty thing to write about somebody, in between getting really, really, really upset at female Ghostbusters and Gamergate, and the things that really matter.
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I don't think of my opponents in the sense that I don't think of them consciously, I don't steer it one way or the other.
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I'm very vocal about my belief that all religion is garbage. Most of my friends are religious or at least spiritual. These are people I like and I know are intelligent. It's this thing that I carry around. I know I'd be a better person if I was fairer, but it's at the core of who I am and what I believe.
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I'm not a centrist, and there's nothing about me that's centrist. I never have been.
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I'm concerned about organized religion getting away with what it gets away with.
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I hate bumper stickers, you can't sum anything up. All you do is paint yourself in some caricaturist corner.
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Ive got a lot of friends there and there is stuff to do but as much as I dislike LA I really like living and working in New York City.
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You can't just yell jokes at people.
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I'm directing the Sky show. I'm not going to be in it. I'm just writing and directing it. So that'll satisfy that part of my brain.
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I really don't have a problem with gay marriage... because I'm tolerant and rational.
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I am truly passionate and concerned about the lack of empathy that people show towards one another.
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I lived in LA for almost nine years and if I never went back there again it would be fine.
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I stand by everything I said. I absolutely can defend my material, and I take issue with people who say, It's just shock value. It's not even funny. I disagree. There's different ways to be funny and to be a comedian.
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We should just get somebody from the left and the right and they should all throw bumper stickers at each other and the first one to cover the other one wins.
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The Bible is the funniest book I have ever read. It's so funny! Right in the first six pages, it's funny!
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There were a number of referendums in '98 that most of the things I voted for passed. That's very satisfying when you feel that most of the country is in step with your views.
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I've never written jokes. I mean, I'll write things on a piece of paper and riff on them onstage.
David Cross