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I have a few business ideas (that I'm going to advertise in High Times, amongst other places), and one of them is a service in which I offer to eat and describe pork to kosher people.
David Cross
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David Cross
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: April 4
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Singer
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Roswell
Georgia
People
Places
Kosher
Humor
Advertise
High
Pork
Times
Amongst
Funny
Describe
Business
Offer
Ideas
Service
Going
Offers
More quotes by David Cross
Because you've been on dates where y'know, you forget to open your eyes and wear pants and speak English.
David Cross
I am against the war, but I do support our white troops. No, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I'm not a Republican. I'm not a member of the party of inclusion. Wonderful, tolerant, rational human beings they are.
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We should just get somebody from the left and the right and they should all throw bumper stickers at each other and the first one to cover the other one wins.
David Cross
I did one of the worst shows for that kind of thing in Northampton, Massachusetts, which is one of the most liberal spots on the planet. There were numerous people who walked out, somebody had thrown a beer, I had people yelling and screaming.
David Cross
I am truly passionate and concerned about the lack of empathy that people show towards one another.
David Cross
The underpinning of immigration concerns is xenophobia and racism and nationalism.
David Cross
I know this is obviously biased as well, but in my Twitter feed, on my Facebook, 90 percent are gushing, glowing, Thank you for doing that - type of reviews. It's ballsy, it's honest, it's hilarious - that kind of stuff. Obviously those are fans.
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I really don't have a problem with gay marriage... because I'm tolerant and rational.
David Cross
Nobody is going to be as bad for free thinking, right-minded individuals than George Bush.
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I've had plenty of negative reviews. I have my entire life.
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There are really funny alternative comics and really funny straight comics who write and perform traditionally.
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I know Dave [Attel] and we're friendly, and I have nothing but respect for him.
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And it's one more shitty thing to write about somebody, in between getting really, really, really upset at female Ghostbusters and Gamergate, and the things that really matter.
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I'm concerned about organized religion getting away with what it gets away with.
David Cross
I would say just stop watching me, I guess, at this point. That is what I do, and it probably is, in some way, a bit of a lecture. I can see how that's not something that would be enticing for you to watch in a stand-up hour.
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I lived in LA for almost nine years and if I never went back there again it would be fine.
David Cross
I think the policies, for the most part, that [Hillary Clinton] will put in place are not going to make positive changes. There'll be more status quo. She'll certainly be good for some groups of people. Whatever.
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I'm not a centrist, and there's nothing about me that's centrist. I never have been.
David Cross
We get to see it! January 1st, 2000! We get to see... all those fundamentalist preachers having to do their backpedaling when the Armageddon doesn't occur.
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I went to a bunch of marches in New York and Washington, and you know I believe in the cause, but to march with those people takes a lot of compromise on my end.
David Cross