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I've never written jokes. I mean, I'll write things on a piece of paper and riff on them onstage.
David Cross
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David Cross
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: April 4
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Singer
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Roswell
Georgia
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Write
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Riff
Writing
Onstage
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Jokes
Never
Piece
Paper
More quotes by David Cross
Florida was the low point.The entire state, yep. I'm not sure I'd go back.
David Cross
I'm directing the Sky show. I'm not going to be in it. I'm just writing and directing it. So that'll satisfy that part of my brain.
David Cross
I'm finally going to be able to finally criticize [Hillary Clinton] without being accused of being a sexist - that idea. I'm not a fan, I don't like her, but you can't say anything without being accused of being a sexist pig, which is unfair.
David Cross
I was born Jewish, but I am an atheist. I dont believe in God.
David Cross
If you wanna find out 101 things to do with plums, heh, read your in-flight magazine.
David Cross
I lived in LA for almost nine years and if I never went back there again it would be fine.
David Cross
I'm concerned about organized religion getting away with what it gets away with.
David Cross
Hopefully people will be reinventing comedy forever and ever. This is just what I do, and it's a type of comedy.
David Cross
I'd be curious to find out, but I don't think people in the entertainment industry are proportionally more or less serious politically than anyone in the landscaping industry.
David Cross
The Bible is the funniest book I have ever read. It's so funny! Right in the first six pages, it's funny!
David Cross
Because you've been on dates where y'know, you forget to open your eyes and wear pants and speak English.
David Cross
We should just get somebody from the left and the right and they should all throw bumper stickers at each other and the first one to cover the other one wins.
David Cross
I'm pretty happy. I obviously have complaints about things, but for the most part, I'm on the above-average side of happy people.
David Cross
I really don't have a problem with gay marriage... because I'm tolerant and rational.
David Cross
I'm very vocal about my belief that all religion is garbage. Most of my friends are religious or at least spiritual. These are people I like and I know are intelligent. It's this thing that I carry around. I know I'd be a better person if I was fairer, but it's at the core of who I am and what I believe.
David Cross
There were a number of referendums in '98 that most of the things I voted for passed. That's very satisfying when you feel that most of the country is in step with your views.
David Cross
I did one of the worst shows for that kind of thing in Northampton, Massachusetts, which is one of the most liberal spots on the planet. There were numerous people who walked out, somebody had thrown a beer, I had people yelling and screaming.
David Cross
I think I could have a funnier, more economic sets. But that's the comedy I do. And I understand if people aren't interested in it and would rather listen to someone else. But I'll never understand the anger people have toward me.
David Cross
And it's one more shitty thing to write about somebody, in between getting really, really, really upset at female Ghostbusters and Gamergate, and the things that really matter.
David Cross
I think the policies, for the most part, that [Hillary Clinton] will put in place are not going to make positive changes. There'll be more status quo. She'll certainly be good for some groups of people. Whatever.
David Cross