Quote

I've never written jokes. I mean, I'll write things on a piece of paper and riff on them onstage.

David Cross

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

David Cross
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: April 4
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Singer
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Roswell
Georgia
Write
Mean
Riff
Writing
Onstage
Things
Jokes
Never
Piece
Paper
Pieces
Written

More quotes by David Cross

Image
I love doing stuff with Todd Barry and Jon Benjamin. We give the stage to good bands and funny people.
David Cross
Image
I'd be curious to find out, but I don't think people in the entertainment industry are proportionally more or less serious politically than anyone in the landscaping industry.
David Cross
Image
I'm finally going to be able to finally criticize [Hillary Clinton] without being accused of being a sexist - that idea. I'm not a fan, I don't like her, but you can't say anything without being accused of being a sexist pig, which is unfair.
David Cross
Image
I have a few business ideas (that I'm going to advertise in High Times, amongst other places), and one of them is a service in which I offer to eat and describe pork to kosher people.
David Cross
Image
It's not that I don't have kids for some personal reason outside of, I just haven't had kids. And I haven't met someone who wanted to, as far as I know. And perhaps I'm attracted to women who aren't ready to make that commitment just yet.
David Cross
Image
The best thing about me is there are no skeletons.
David Cross
Image
I am against the war, but I do support our white troops. No, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I'm not a Republican. I'm not a member of the party of inclusion. Wonderful, tolerant, rational human beings they are.
David Cross
Image
I'm not a centrist, and there's nothing about me that's centrist. I never have been.
David Cross
Image
You can't just yell jokes at people.
David Cross
Image
The South has more of a disproportionate amount of irony on T-shirts than any other region in the country.
David Cross
Image
I do lots of other drugs but I smoke pot maybe 5-10 times a year now. I used to smoke it all the time, but I don't, and I haven't for awhile. That's just because it makes me - and I'm not saying this about everybody else - but it makes me kind of dumb and self-conscious.
David Cross
Image
Hopefully people are upset for the reason I want them to be upset. Even when I was doing open mics, I've always had people upset. I've never been the consummate crowd-pleaser.
David Cross
Image
Florida was the low point.The entire state, yep. I'm not sure I'd go back.
David Cross
Image
I work a lot and I like to get out and work but the work I do to make the other work work I'm not very good at.
David Cross
Image
[On the Dating Handbook] 'With a telescope, some munchies, and a warm blanket, watch for Halley's comet.' Yeah. I like that. There's no time limit. Just sit there and grow old together.
David Cross
Image
I stand by everything I said. I absolutely can defend my material, and I take issue with people who say, It's just shock value. It's not even funny. I disagree. There's different ways to be funny and to be a comedian.
David Cross
Image
I went to a bunch of marches in New York and Washington, and you know I believe in the cause, but to march with those people takes a lot of compromise on my end.
David Cross
Image
There were a handful of shows that were just painful. Not many, but things where I just said going into it, Why am I here? What am I doing?
David Cross
Image
I don't want to do 20 minutes on Donald Trump. I want to do 10 minutes and move on. I wouldn't even do that with a live show, because I don't want it to feel like An Evening Of Political Comedy.
David Cross
Image
You cannot win a War on Terrorism. It's like having a war on jealousy.
David Cross