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There are really funny alternative comics and really funny straight comics who write and perform traditionally.
David Cross
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David Cross
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: April 4
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Singer
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Roswell
Georgia
Alternative
Alternatives
Perform
Straight
Funny
Write
Writing
Traditionally
Really
Comics
More quotes by David Cross
I've never written jokes. I mean, I'll write things on a piece of paper and riff on them onstage.
David Cross
I lived in LA for almost nine years and if I never went back there again it would be fine.
David Cross
I think the policies, for the most part, that [Hillary Clinton] will put in place are not going to make positive changes. There'll be more status quo. She'll certainly be good for some groups of people. Whatever.
David Cross
The Bible is the funniest book I have ever read. It's so funny! Right in the first six pages, it's funny!
David Cross
I work a lot and I like to get out and work but the work I do to make the other work work I'm not very good at.
David Cross
I did one of the worst shows for that kind of thing in Northampton, Massachusetts, which is one of the most liberal spots on the planet. There were numerous people who walked out, somebody had thrown a beer, I had people yelling and screaming.
David Cross
Because you've been on dates where y'know, you forget to open your eyes and wear pants and speak English.
David Cross
It's not that I don't have kids for some personal reason outside of, I just haven't had kids. And I haven't met someone who wanted to, as far as I know. And perhaps I'm attracted to women who aren't ready to make that commitment just yet.
David Cross
I'm directing the Sky show. I'm not going to be in it. I'm just writing and directing it. So that'll satisfy that part of my brain.
David Cross
I do lots of other drugs but I smoke pot maybe 5-10 times a year now. I used to smoke it all the time, but I don't, and I haven't for awhile. That's just because it makes me - and I'm not saying this about everybody else - but it makes me kind of dumb and self-conscious.
David Cross
I'd say 95 percent of my audience was white. They were mostly kind of older hipster folks like myself.
David Cross
I think pornography is the only art form where you can be videotaped on a shaky handy cam sucking off a horse and be considered a star.
David Cross
I am against the war, but I do support our white troops. No, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I'm not a Republican. I'm not a member of the party of inclusion. Wonderful, tolerant, rational human beings they are.
David Cross
My biggest problem is retaining the exact information.
David Cross
There's the disingenuous duplicitousness, but you can apply that to every politician, really.
David Cross
You cannot win a War on Terrorism. It's like having a war on jealousy.
David Cross
I stand by everything I said. I absolutely can defend my material, and I take issue with people who say, It's just shock value. It's not even funny. I disagree. There's different ways to be funny and to be a comedian.
David Cross
I'm concerned about how and why there is no gun control.
David Cross
I think for a lot of people, it's just where their saturation point was. Once you get into the [Donald] Trump stuff and the Republican stuff and the Ayn Rand followers, it doesn't let up for about half an hour. It gets hard and stays hard for a while.
David Cross
In my political philosophy - which is definitely more socialist Democrat than centrist politician like Hillary Clinton - I think regulation for banks and those platforms that Bernie Sanders had are good for the whole of America.
David Cross
