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I'm Dave Chappelle and I'm a chronic masturbator.

Dave Chappelle

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Dave Chappelle
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: August 24
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Street Artist
Television Actor
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
David Khari Webber Chappelle
David Khari Dave Webber Chappelle
Dave
Comedy
Funny
Chronic

More quotes by Dave Chappelle

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I got a lot of positive people around me.
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I don't want the money. I don't want the drama. I just want to do my show. I want to have fun again.
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Most of the people around me have a vested interest in how much money I make. You know, so a celebrity could find themselves in a position where people could have meetings about their life without them involved. And when I say their life I mean not their professional life either. They could talk about their personal life.
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Something about New York, man: You can do more comedy there probably than you can anywhere in the world. If you're interested in being funny, New York is the place to go.
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There's something about doing stand-up that's cathartic.
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All white people talk about when they get high is other times that they got high.
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If someone sits and stares at you while you eat, you won't even eat the way you normally do, because it'll make you so uncomfortable. If I look at my dog when he's eating, he will look at me like, Dave, I will bite you. What are you looking at? I'm trying to eat. It's something that dehumanizes a person, being on display like that.
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The higher up I went, the less happy I was.
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Ralph Nader has slavery reparations on his platform, which makes me think he's not serious. If he thought he could win he wouldn't even say that.
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I just like seeing people. I just like meeting people. I like finding out new walks of life and new ideas.
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I have all these weird fantasies. Going coast-to-coast on my motorcycle and having random barbecues all over America. No show, no nothing.
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The language you are about to hear... is disturbing.
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Everyone around me says, You're a genius! You're great! That's your voice! But I'm not sure if they're right.
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Is this the 5:00 Free Crack Giveaway?
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I was 23. When you're 23, your concern is not for the greater good of humanity. I didn't feel like I was unleashing an evil on society or anything. At the time, that's what I was into, and I did a movie about it.
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I don't do drugs, though. Just weed.
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I care about the work I do. But I'm not going to say that money's not an issue.
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I felt in a lot of instances I was deliberately being put through stress because when you're a guy who generates money, people have a vested interest in controlling you.
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Chivalry is dead. Women killed it.
Dave Chappelle
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When I'm on stage, I get real happy there. Maybe that's the only time in my adult life I feel like myself.
Dave Chappelle