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I'm Dave Chappelle and I'm a chronic masturbator.

Dave Chappelle

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Dave Chappelle
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: August 24
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Street Artist
Television Actor
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
David Khari Webber Chappelle
David Khari Dave Webber Chappelle
Chronic
Dave
Comedy
Funny

More quotes by Dave Chappelle

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Most people don't know what it's like to stand up there and speak their mind. I have a venue to do that. I get paid to do that. It's not like I'm doing heavy lifting up there. It's not like I'm solving the world's problems. It's like I'm hanging out with a bunch of people and it's cool.
Dave Chappelle
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I think extreme sports are really good for relieving stress.
Dave Chappelle
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Ralph Nader has slavery reparations on his platform, which makes me think he's not serious. If he thought he could win he wouldn't even say that.
Dave Chappelle
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You can't get unfamous. You can get infamous but you can't get unfamous.
Dave Chappelle
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America, I appreciate you liking me.
Dave Chappelle
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If someone sits and stares at you while you eat, you won't even eat the way you normally do, because it'll make you so uncomfortable. If I look at my dog when he's eating, he will look at me like, Dave, I will bite you. What are you looking at? I'm trying to eat. It's something that dehumanizes a person, being on display like that.
Dave Chappelle
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Most of the people around me have a vested interest in how much money I make. You know, so a celebrity could find themselves in a position where people could have meetings about their life without them involved. And when I say their life I mean not their professional life either. They could talk about their personal life.
Dave Chappelle
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When I'm on stage, I get real happy there. Maybe that's the only time in my adult life I feel like myself.
Dave Chappelle
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I just like seeing people. I just like meeting people. I like finding out new walks of life and new ideas.
Dave Chappelle
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All white people talk about when they get high is other times that they got high.
Dave Chappelle
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Something about New York, man: You can do more comedy there probably than you can anywhere in the world. If you're interested in being funny, New York is the place to go.
Dave Chappelle
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I don't normally talk about my religion publicly because I don't want people to associate me and my flaws with this beautiful thing. And I believe it is beautiful religion if you learn it the right way.
Dave Chappelle
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You know you must be doing something right if old people like you.
Dave Chappelle
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I got real important relationships in my life that are very empowering relationships.
Dave Chappelle
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I don't do drugs, though. Just weed.
Dave Chappelle
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I started when I was 14. I figured out that's what I wanted to do when I was 14. Even when I was six, I can remember people telling me, You're gonna be a comedian, and all this stuff.
Dave Chappelle
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Everyone around me says, You're a genius! You're great! That's your voice! But I'm not sure if they're right.
Dave Chappelle
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I get a little heated when I talk about the past. But I wanted to be clear - I'm not mad at anybody - not anymore.
Dave Chappelle
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I felt in a lot of instances I was deliberately being put through stress because when you're a guy who generates money, people have a vested interest in controlling you.
Dave Chappelle
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What is wrong with me i just bought a bag of weed from an infant.
Dave Chappelle