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I'm Dave Chappelle and I'm a chronic masturbator.

Dave Chappelle

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Dave Chappelle
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: August 24
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Street Artist
Television Actor
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
David Khari Webber Chappelle
David Khari Dave Webber Chappelle
Chronic
Dave
Comedy
Funny

More quotes by Dave Chappelle

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You know you must be doing something right if old people like you.
Dave Chappelle
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Every black American is bilingual. All of them. We speak street vernacular and we speak 'job interview.'
Dave Chappelle
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Most people don't know what it's like to stand up there and speak their mind. I have a venue to do that. I get paid to do that. It's not like I'm doing heavy lifting up there. It's not like I'm solving the world's problems. It's like I'm hanging out with a bunch of people and it's cool.
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I would go to work on the show and I felt awful every day, that's not the way it was. ... I felt like some kind of prostitute or something. If I feel so bad, why keep on showing up to this place? I'm going to Africa. The hardest thing to do is to be true to yourself, especially when everybody is watching.
Dave Chappelle
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The only thing harder than leaving show business is coming back.
Dave Chappelle
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Is this the 5:00 Free Crack Giveaway?
Dave Chappelle
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My kids look actually happy. And I learned early on that perfectionism and parenthood is a toxic combination for everybody involved. In other words, so many things can flourish naturally. All you gotta do is make sure the soil's right. I view myself more like a guide than a ruler.
Dave Chappelle
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Weed's not as bad as everything else... 'cause weed is a background substance. You know what I mean, you can smoke some herb and still function. You ain't crisp... but you'll function.
Dave Chappelle
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I just always loved stand-up. It's like magic. You say something, and a whole room full of people laughs together. Say something else, they laugh again. The fact that people come to see that and participate in that... I don't know, it's just like magic.
Dave Chappelle
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I always take a relationship to the next level. If that works out, I take it to the next level after that, until I finally reach that level when it becomes absolutely necessary for me to leave.
Dave Chappelle
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The language you are about to hear... is disturbing.
Dave Chappelle
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I'm happier in the way a guy gets happier when he starts to mature. It doesn't make things easier, but I'm so much better at handling them.
Dave Chappelle
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Everyone around me says, You're a genius! You're great! That's your voice! But I'm not sure if they're right.
Dave Chappelle
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Fame for me is like a place, a country I'm taking a tour through.
Dave Chappelle
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I don't care if I ever work in TV again.
Dave Chappelle
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America, I appreciate you liking me.
Dave Chappelle
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I don't normally talk about my religion publicly because I don't want people to associate me and my flaws with this beautiful thing. And I believe it is beautiful religion if you learn it the right way.
Dave Chappelle
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For one year, I want to do this thing where I guest-star on as many television shows as I possibly can. I love television. The fact that television ultimately made me famous was very gratifying for me.
Dave Chappelle
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Comedy is a very approval-oriented field.
Dave Chappelle
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I have a very good life, a high quality of life. I have both money and time. No one has that.
Dave Chappelle