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If you look at photos of the Gettysburg Address there's a guy off to the right who I think is Keith Richards.
Dave Barry
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Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
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Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
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More quotes by Dave Barry
If you have a big enough dictionary, just about everything is a word.
Dave Barry
Reading... a vacation for the mind.
Dave Barry
I don't think the press has done a very good job dealing with government spending.The Defense Department with the $9,500 toilet seat, that's not the problem anymore. Medicare and Medicaid and Social Security are the problem. That's us. That's our generation. There the press never says a word.
Dave Barry
The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.
Dave Barry
The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice.
Dave Barry
Most of the presidential candidates' economic packages involve 'tax breaks,' which is when the government, amid great fanfare, generously decides not to take quite so much of your income. In other words, these candidates are trying to buy your votes with your own money.
Dave Barry
This is true virtually all edible substances, and many automotive products, are now marketed as being low-fat or fat-free. Americans are obsessed with fat content.
Dave Barry
Do not spit gum in the drinking fountains.
Dave Barry
Guys are simple... women are not simple and they always assume that men must be just as complicated as they are, only way more mysterious. The whole point is guys are not thinking much. They are just what they appear to be. Tragically.
Dave Barry
But if I hadn't shoved you off the boat back there,you'd be lost at sea now,wouldn't you? We'd all be lost! So thanks to me you're all standing on land. (Pirates, its a good thing they're idiots)
Dave Barry
The Internet browser... is the piece of software that puts a message on your computer screen informing you that the Internet is currently busy and you should try again later.
Dave Barry
Within less than an hour, Chuck and I easily located what could well be the correct platform, where we pass the time by perspiring freely until the train storms in, colorfully decorated, as is the tradition in New York, with the spray-painted initials of all the people it has run over.
Dave Barry
We're deep into the holiday gift-giving season, as you can tell from the fact that everywhere you look, you see jolly old St. Nick urging you to purchase things, to the point where you want to slug him right in his bowl full of jelly.
Dave Barry
The whole thing about whether you smoke marijuana or not is so ridiculous. That and whether you protested the Vietnam War. Give me a break. Especially the marijuana thing.
Dave Barry
To enter Europe, you must have a valid passport with a photograph of yourself in which you look like you are being booked on charges of soliciting sheep.
Dave Barry
There is nothing as relaxing as being out on the open sea, listening to the waves and the wind and the sails and voices downstairs yelling HOW DO YOU FLUSH THESE TOILETS?
Dave Barry
The planes are crowded and noisy and late, and everybody hates everybody. If armed terrorists had tried to hijack any of the flights I've been on lately, we passengers would have swiftly beaten them to death with those hard rolls you get with your in-flight meals.
Dave Barry
Why else do we have Miami, if not to give me material?
Dave Barry
Aside from velcro, time is the most mysterious substance in the universe. You can't see it or touch it, yet a plumber can charge you upwards of seventy-five dollars per hour for it, without necessarily fixing anything.
Dave Barry
The ultimate camping trip was the Lewis and Clark expedition.
Dave Barry
