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Miami, you can never run out of material. As long as you have Miami around you, you will never, never stop being amused.

Dave Barry

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Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
Stop
Running
Around
Long
Never
Amused
Miami
Material
Materials

More quotes by Dave Barry

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Long, long ago, before eruptions were invented, the molten lava had to be carried down the mountainside, bucket by bucket, and poured over the sleeping villagers. This took time.
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I never had the vaguest idea whether any of it had anything to do with me, especially being a sixth grader. When I got older and traveled, I'd read about the history of where I was going. I'd be like, Oh, history is kind of interesting.
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There's nothing wrong with enjoying looking at the surface of the ocean itself, except that when you finally see what goes on underwater,you realize that you've been missing the whole point of the ocean. Staying on the surface all the time is like going to the circus and staring at the outside of the tent.
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As you get older you've probably noticed that you tend to forget things. You'll be talking with somebody at a party, and you'll know that you know this person, but no matter how hard you try, you can't remember his or her name. This can be very embarassing, especially if he or she turns out to be your spouse.
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I was a young person once, shortly after the polar ice caps retreated, and I distinctly recall believing that virtually all adults were clueless goobers.
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American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it.
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Japan has a low crime rate, unless you count the fact that approximately every fifteen minutes the entire Cabinet gets indicted for taking bribes.
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The most valuable function performed by the federal government is entertainment.
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Smee! Raise the Ladies!
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We believe that electricity exists, because the electric company keeps sending us bills for it, but we cannot figure out how it travels inside wires.
Dave Barry
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Just get on any major highway, and eventually it will dead-end in a Disney parking area large enough to have its own climate, populated by large nomadic families who have been trying to find their cars since the Carter administration.
Dave Barry
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There are two kinds of solar-heat systems: passive systems collect the sunlight that hits your home, and active systems collect the sunlight that hits your neighbors' homes, too.
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Disney Resort and World and Compound, a place where your dreams really do come true, if you dream about having people wearing enormous cartoon-animal heads come around to your restaurant table and act whimsical and refuse to go away until you laugh with delight.
Dave Barry
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Guys are simple... women are not simple and they always assume that men must be just as complicated as they are, only way more mysterious. The whole point is guys are not thinking much. They are just what they appear to be. Tragically.
Dave Barry
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In the Bowling Alley of Tomorrow, there will even be machines that wear rental shoes and throw the ball for you. Your sole function will be to drink beer.
Dave Barry
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As a professional journalist, I am always looking for new ways to get paid for being motionless.
Dave Barry
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The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates.
Dave Barry
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A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
Dave Barry
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The old system of having a baby was much better than the new system, the old system being characterized by the fact that the man didn't have to watch.
Dave Barry
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Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.
Dave Barry