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If everybody were a guy, the human race could easily get by on less than one twentieth the current number of shoes.

Dave Barry

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Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
Less
Currents
Human
Easily
Humans
Shoes
Number
Numbers
Everybody
Guy
Twentieth
Race
Current

More quotes by Dave Barry

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What I like best about the telephone is that it keeps you in touch with people, particularly people who want to sell you magazine subscriptions in the middle of the night.
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Although humans tend to view sex as mainly a fun recreational activity sometimes resulting in death, in nature it is a far more serious matter.
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I, alone, could never have produced this book. I say this mainly in case there are lawsuits.
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The Internet: transforming society and shaping the future through chat.
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Earnest is our dog. She senses instantly that something is wrong, and guided by that timeless and unerring nurturing instinct that all female dogs have, she tries to lick my ears off.
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Snowboarding is an activity that is very popular with people who do not feel that regular skiing is lethal enough.
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Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.
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I read Warren Zevon's bizarre biography, I'll Sleep When I'm Dead. His wife, Crystal Zevon, posthumously published a journal he wrote and some interviews with ex-band members. Like [Keith] Richards's book Life, it's brutally honest.
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In South Florida, we have industrial cockroaches that have to be equipped with loud warning beepers so you can get out of their way when they back up.
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The nuclear generator of brain sludge is television.
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I will vote for the first candidate who promises to use nuclear missiles against LinkedIn.
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I don't think the press has done a very good job dealing with government spending.The Defense Department with the $9,500 toilet seat, that's not the problem anymore. Medicare and Medicaid and Social Security are the problem. That's us. That's our generation. There the press never says a word.
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All the shopping malls and restaurants and airports are riddled with low-fidelity loudspeakers, which apparently have developed the ability to reproduce by themselves these are all connected to a special programming service called Music That Nobody Really Likes, and you cannot get away from it.
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If it weren't for marriage, men and women would have to fight with total strangers.
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...light overcomes darkenss. A tiny match can illuminate the darkest room. As long as there is some light somewhere in the universe, [darkness] can be defeated.
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Smee! Raise the Ladies!
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The question is: What can we, as citizens, do to reform our tax system? As you know, under our three-branch system of government, the tax laws are created by: Satan. But he works through the Congress, so that's where we must focus our efforts.
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I read Remembrance of Things Past in the original French. I never start the day without reading me some [Marcel] Proust.
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People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
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Too many bugs and leeches and spiders and spiderwebs. Please spray the wilderness to rid the area of these pests.
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