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Every year, hundreds of thousands of people try their hand at this demanding profession (humor columnist). After a few months, almost all of them have given up and gone back to the ninth grade.
Dave Barry
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Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
Gone
Hundreds
Given
Thousands
Hands
Profession
Columnist
Back
Months
Columnists
Trying
Humor
Ninth
Every
Hand
Demanding
Years
Almost
Grade
People
Year
Grades
More quotes by Dave Barry
Actually, there are people from all ove - not just Latin America, certainly not just Cuba, but all over Europe, all over the United States. I like that. I like knowing a lot of different types of people. And I can afford to live in a relatively safe part of Miami.
Dave Barry
You can use the Internet to find out, from anywhere on the planet: exactly how much coffee is in a certain coffee machine at Cambridge University in England exactly how many sodas are available in certain vending machines at certain major universities and much, much more.
Dave Barry
Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.
Dave Barry
You should definitely visit the Louvre, a world-famous art museum where you can view, at close range, the backs of thousands of other tourists trying to see the Mona Lisa.
Dave Barry
A short distance away is the Tidal Basin, ringed by cherry trees that every year produce flowers, an event to which Washingtonians react as though it were the Second Coming of Christ.
Dave Barry
A small deer came into my camp and stole my bag of pickles. Is there a way I can get reimbursed? Please call.
Dave Barry
Hardware: where the people in your company's software section will tell you the problem is. Software: where the people in your company's hardware section will tell you the problem is.
Dave Barry
The old system of having a baby was much better than the new system, the old system being characterized by the fact that the man didn't have to watch.
Dave Barry
I actually kind of like Janet Reno. She seems like a nice enough lady. But when you're basically going through the entire phone book trying to find women lawyers who don't have maids to pick the attorney general of the United States, how well can you do?
Dave Barry
People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
Dave Barry
I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.
Dave Barry
I don't have any insight or understanding on anything about the government. All I think is that it's stupid - which is the one perspective that's almost completely lacking in Washington.
Dave Barry
Miami drivers will attempt to pass you inside a car wash.
Dave Barry
Miami, you can never run out of material. As long as you have Miami around you, you will never, never stop being amused.
Dave Barry
Scientists now believe that the primary biological function of breasts is to make males stupid.
Dave Barry
The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting.
Dave Barry
It takes a minimum of six people, working in close harmony, to successfully flush a nautical toilet. That's why those old ships carried such large crews.
Dave Barry
Today's scientific question is: What in the world is electricity? And where does it go after it leaves the toaster?
Dave Barry
For a while I got into the South Pacific theater of World War II. I read American Caesar by William Manchester, the biography of General MacArthur. Because of that I ended up reading Tales of the South Pacific by James Michener and then because of that reading his Hawaii. That is what happens.
Dave Barry
UNIVAC: a device, which contained 20,000 vacuum tubes, occupied 1,500 square feet and weighed 40 tons there was also a laptop version weighing 27 tons.
Dave Barry
