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Some archeologists believe that Stonehenge - the mysterious arrangement of enormous elongated stones in England - is actually a crude effort by the Druids to build a computing device.
Dave Barry
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Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
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Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
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Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
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Arrangements
Believe
Devices
Elongated
Mysterious
Stonehenge
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Computing
England
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Build
Device
More quotes by Dave Barry
Long, long ago, before eruptions were invented, the molten lava had to be carried down the mountainside, bucket by bucket, and poured over the sleeping villagers. This took time.
Dave Barry
Technically, Windows is an operating system, which means that it supplies your computer with the basic commands that it needs to suddenly, with no warning whatsoever, stop operating.
Dave Barry
Guys care about sports teams. I'm not talking about simply rooting I'm talking about a relationship that guys develop, a commitment to a sport team that guys take way more seriously than, for example, wedding vows.
Dave Barry
Although humans tend to view sex as mainly a fun recreational activity sometimes resulting in death, in nature it is a far more serious matter.
Dave Barry
Most of the presidential candidates' economic packages involve 'tax breaks,' which is when the government, amid great fanfare, generously decides not to take quite so much of your income. In other words, these candidates are trying to buy your votes with your own money.
Dave Barry
The only really good place to buy lumber is at a store where the lumber has already been cut and attached together in the form of furniture finished and put inside boxes.
Dave Barry
It may be meaningless, but at least it's a gesture.
Dave Barry
Why else do we have Miami, if not to give me material?
Dave Barry
The old system of having a baby was much better than the new system, the old system being characterized by the fact that the man didn't have to watch.
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I was reading this James Bond book, and right away I realized that, like most books, it had too many words.
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Cyrus Pembridge, the Never Land’s captain, was widely regarded as the most incompetent man to comman a ship since the formation of water. “Who in the name of common sense would put to sea on that ship with that man in charge?” wondered Mack. “Well,” Alf answered, “we are.” “True,” Mack said.
Dave Barry
My theory is that there is a finite amount of intelligence in a family, and you're supposed to gradually transfer it to your children over a period of many years. This is why your parents started to get so stupid just at the time in your life when you were getting really smart.
Dave Barry
Recently I began to feel this void in my life, even after meals, and I said to myself, Dave, all you do with your spare time is sit around and drink beer. You need a hobby. So I got a hobby. I make beer.
Dave Barry
The word user is the word used by the computer professional when they mean idiot.
Dave Barry
Before going on a diet you should consult your doctor, or at least send him some money.
Dave Barry
Snowboarding is an activity that is very popular with people who do not feel that regular skiing is lethal enough.
Dave Barry
Do not spit gum in the drinking fountains.
Dave Barry
I am not the only person who uses his computer mainly for the purpose of diddling with his computer.
Dave Barry
Aside from velcro, time is the most mysterious substance in the universe. You can't see it or touch it, yet a plumber can charge you upwards of seventy-five dollars per hour for it, without necessarily fixing anything.
Dave Barry
Alan Zweibel is the funniest writer in the world. He might be even funnier when he's naked, but I'm afraid to find out.
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