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Like many members of the uncultured, Cheez-It consuming public, I am not good at grasping modern art.

Dave Barry

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Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
Modern
Public
Art
Many
Good
Uncultured
Like
Grasping
Consuming
Members

More quotes by Dave Barry

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The word user is the word used by the computer professional when they mean idiot.
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We constantly see surveys that reveal this ignorance, especially among our high school students,78 percent of whom, in a recent nationwide multiple-choice test, identified Abraham Lincoln as 'a kind of lobster.' That's right: more than three quarters of our nation's youth could not correctly identify the man who invented the telephone.
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The reason it's called Grape Nuts is that it contains dextrose, which is also sometimes called grape sugar, and also because Grape Nuts is catchier, in terms of marketing, than A Cross Between Gerbil Food and Gravel, which is what it tastes like.
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For 41 years I have gone with a very natural hair look that was originally popularized by coconuts.
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More and more products are coming out in fiercely protective packaging designed to prevent consumers from consuming them. These days you have to open almost every consumer item by gnawing on the packaging.
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The information encoded in your DNA determines your unique biological characteristics, such as sex, eye color, age and Social Security number.
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How can you be afraid of women?” “Those ain’t normal women.
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I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.
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Most of the presidential candidates' economic packages involve 'tax breaks,' which is when the government, amid great fanfare, generously decides not to take quite so much of your income. In other words, these candidates are trying to buy your votes with your own money.
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I called a company and asked to speak to Bob. The person who answered said, Bob is on vacation. Would you like to hold?
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When Prince Charles speaks, everybody pretends to be fascinated, even though he has never said anything interesting except in that intercepted telephone conversation wherein he expressed the desire to be a feminine hygeine product.
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Spiders so large they appear to be wearing the pelts of small mammals.
Dave Barry
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The Sixties are now considered a historical period, just like the Roman Empire.
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Meetings are places where dead ideas rise from their graves and eat the brains of the living.
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I have come up with a sure-fire concept for a hit television show, which would be called `A Live Celebrity Gets Eaten by a Shark'.
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The problem with winter sports is that - follow me closely here - they generally take place in winter.
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I would rather undergo a vasectomy via Weed Whacker than attend an opera.
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People are afraid to own their own homes. People are afraid their own government will catch them fixing their houses.
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Albert Einstein, who discovered that a tiny amount of mass is equal to a huge amount of energy, which explains why, as Einstein himself so eloquently put it in a famous 1939 speech to the Physics Department at Princeton, 'You have to exercise for a week to work off the thigh fat from a single Snickers.'
Dave Barry
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Here's a man who was twice elected to the most powerful position on Earth despite needing a TelePrompTer to correctly identify what year it was.
Dave Barry