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I am not a violent person. I am a product of the Flower Power '60s. I have actually worn bell-bottomed jeans.

Dave Barry

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Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
Violent
Flower
Products
Actually
Bell
Power
Bells
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Jeans
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More quotes by Dave Barry

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This ball was so crowded that it took me - a trained professional journalist with vast experience in this area - forty five minutes to get a beer.
Dave Barry
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Just get on any major highway, and eventually it will dead-end in a Disney parking area large enough to have its own climate, populated by large nomadic families who have been trying to find their cars since the Carter administration.
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One of the issues that we professional newspaper columnists are required by union regulations to voice grave concern about is the federal budget deficit, which we refer to as the mounting deficit, because every extra word helps when you have to produce a certain number of gravely concerned newsprint inches.
Dave Barry
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What I want to know is: Why is it important to have visible stomach muscles? I grew up in an era (the Paleolithic) when people kept their stomach muscles discreetly out of sight.
Dave Barry
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To enter Europe, you must have a valid passport with a photograph of yourself in which you look like you are being booked on charges of soliciting sheep.
Dave Barry
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I have a friend named Doris who argues, on good authority, that the single biggest cause of global warming is menopause.
Dave Barry
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The real threat to whales is whaling, which has endangered many whale species.
Dave Barry
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Snowboarding is an activity that is very popular with people who do not feel that regular skiing is lethal enough.
Dave Barry
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You cannot paint the exterior of your house. You have to take the paint chip down to show the paint-chip Nazis.
Dave Barry
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Japan has a low crime rate, unless you count the fact that approximately every fifteen minutes the entire Cabinet gets indicted for taking bribes.
Dave Barry
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Congress is thinking about eliminating a federal program under which scientists broadcast signals to Alien beings. This would be a large mistake. Alien beings have atomic blaster death cannons. You cannot cut off their federal programs as if they were merely poor people.
Dave Barry
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Within less than an hour, Chuck and I easily located what could well be the correct platform, where we pass the time by perspiring freely until the train storms in, colorfully decorated, as is the tradition in New York, with the spray-painted initials of all the people it has run over.
Dave Barry
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I guess libertarianism is always considered so weird and fringe that people assume that you're in the closet if you don't go around talking about it.
Dave Barry
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I have always dressed according to certain Basic Guy Fashion Rules,including: Both of your socks should always be the same color, Or they should at least both be fairly dark.
Dave Barry
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In 1765, Parliament passed the Stamp Act, which, as any American high school student can tell you, was an act that apparently had something to do with stamps.
Dave Barry
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I'm one of those people who tells my wife, No coaching from the sidelines.
Dave Barry
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It was you readers who really came through, proving once again that when the American people decide to get involved in a problem, it is best not to let them have any sharp implements.
Dave Barry
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The great thing about golf - and this is the reason why a lot of health experts like me recommend it - you can drink beer and ride in a cart while you play.
Dave Barry
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Here in Miami, on weekends, amusement-seekers will come to the marina, set up folding chairs, and spend a highly entertaining day watching boat owners perform comical maneuvers such as forgetting to set their parking brakes and having their cars roll down the ramp and disappear, burbling gaily, below the surface.
Dave Barry
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The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion or ethnic background, is that we all believe we are above-average drivers.
Dave Barry