Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
As a professional journalist, I am always looking for new ways to get paid for being motionless.
Dave Barry
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
Way
Always
Motionless
Journalist
Professional
Paid
Ways
Looking
More quotes by Dave Barry
Guys are simple... women are not simple and they always assume that men must be just as complicated as they are, only way more mysterious. The whole point is guys are not thinking much. They are just what they appear to be. Tragically.
Dave Barry
I have never had a point in my life to make. I'm just trying to entertain the reader.
Dave Barry
UNIVAC: a device, which contained 20,000 vacuum tubes, occupied 1,500 square feet and weighed 40 tons there was also a laptop version weighing 27 tons.
Dave Barry
Why can't Americans do their own taxes? Because the federal Tax Code is out of control, that's why. It's gigantic and insanely complex, and it gets worse all the time. Nobody has ever read the whole thing. IRS workers are afraid to go into the same ROOM with it.
Dave Barry
People are afraid to own their own homes. People are afraid their own government will catch them fixing their houses.
Dave Barry
The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice.
Dave Barry
If everybody were a guy, the human race could easily get by on less than one twentieth the current number of shoes.
Dave Barry
Dogsled-riding is a sport that is relaxing as well as fragrant.
Dave Barry
He's a boating enthusiast, although that phrase seems too weak to describe the level of his interest, kind of like describing someone as a heroin fancier.
Dave Barry
As the saying goes: If you're not part of the solution, you're a newspaper columnist.
Dave Barry
Experts agree that the best type of computer for your individual needs is one that comes on the market about two days after you actually purchase some other computer.
Dave Barry
I now realize that the small hills you see on ski slopes are formed around the bodies of forty-seven-year-olds who tried to learn snowboarding.
Dave Barry
Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business.
Dave Barry
The letters in 'Brace Beemer' can be arranged to spell 'Embrace Beer.'
Dave Barry
I argue very well. Just ask any of my remaining friends.
Dave Barry
Technology is constantly improving our lives. Look at the cellular telephone. Just ten years ago, virtually nobody was able to get into a car crash caused by trying to steer and dial at the same time today, people do this all the time.
Dave Barry
In modern America, food is abundant everywhere except aboard commercial airplanes.
Dave Barry
When my generation was your age, we took crazy risks. The wildest thing was - prepare to be shocked - we deliberately ingested carbohydrates!
Dave Barry
The books all say that barracuda rarely eat people, but very few barracuda can read.
Dave Barry
Sir,” James asked, “what are we going to do?” “We’re going to look for water,” said Alf. “And food?” said Tubby Ted. “Water first,” said Alf. “We can go days without food.” “We can what?” Tubby Ted shouted.
Dave Barry
