Quote

Lobsters displays all three of the classic biological characteristics of an insect, namely: 1. It has way more legs than necessary. 2. There is no way you would ever pet it. 3. It does not respond to simple commands such as Here, boy!

Dave Barry

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Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
Boys
Pet
Lobsters
Simple
Display
Displays
Three
Respond
Lobster
Doe
Characteristics
Insect
Ever
Classic
Commands
Way
Command
Namely
Would
Legs
Insects
Necessary
Biological

More quotes by Dave Barry

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There's tremendous pressure, if you're in that [goverment] system, to be involved and be interested and to care about it. There's no room to say, This is stupid.
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The way this country deals with drugs is just not funny. What a waste of everyone's time and effort. What a waste of a lot of people's lives.
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There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 11.
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I was reading this James Bond book, and right away I realized that, like most books, it had too many words.
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I want to gag sometimes when I see who we are recommending that people vote for, and not just as a libertarian.
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There comes a time in a man's life when he hears the call of the sea. If the man has a brain in his head, he will hang up the phone immediately.
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Japan has a low crime rate, unless you count the fact that approximately every fifteen minutes the entire Cabinet gets indicted for taking bribes.
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It is important to be nice. But sometimes niceness can be misconstrued as weak. Should we be nice to everybody? Should we be nice only when others are nice to us? Here are some interesting views about being nice. Read these nice quotes and turn on your niceness.
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At least once per year, some group of scientists will become very excited and announce that: •The universe is even bigger than they thought! •There are even more subatomic particles than they thought! •Whatever they announced last year about global warming is wrong.
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I have a friend named Doris who argues, on good authority, that the single biggest cause of global warming is menopause.
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I've been checking with people back in South Florida to see if Hurricane Dennis is going to whack my house, and the consensus of the experts seems to be: No, it will not, unless it does, in which case, yes. So I'm feeling really calm over here in London.
Dave Barry
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For a while I got into the South Pacific theater of World War II. I read American Caesar by William Manchester, the biography of General MacArthur. Because of that I ended up reading Tales of the South Pacific by James Michener and then because of that reading his Hawaii. That is what happens.
Dave Barry
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The IRS wants you to use this form because it gets to keep most of your money. So unless you have pond silt for brains, you want the long form.
Dave Barry
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Guys are simple... women are not simple and they always assume that men must be just as complicated as they are, only way more mysterious. The whole point is guys are not thinking much. They are just what they appear to be. Tragically.
Dave Barry
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Recently I began to feel this void in my life, even after meals, and I said to myself, Dave, all you do with your spare time is sit around and drink beer. You need a hobby. So I got a hobby. I make beer.
Dave Barry
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I'm not saying that women don't think about sex also. I'm saying that women are capable, for at least brief periods of time, of not thinking about sex, and that most guys are not.
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If you look at any list of great modern writers such as Ernest Hemingway, William Faulkner, and F. Scott Fitzgerald, you'll notice two things about them: 1. They all had editors. 2. They are all dead. Thus we can draw the scientific conclusion that editors are fatal.
Dave Barry
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English history consists largely of royal people getting their heads chopped off...Needless to say, this brand of history was a hit with our son.
Dave Barry
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You should not confuse your career with your life.
Dave Barry
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Your friends love you anyway.
Dave Barry