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If Mozart had power tools, there's no telling how great his music might have been.

Dave Barry

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Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
Great
Mozart
Tools
Telling
Power
Music
Might

More quotes by Dave Barry

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I never had the vaguest idea whether any of it had anything to do with me, especially being a sixth grader. When I got older and traveled, I'd read about the history of where I was going. I'd be like, Oh, history is kind of interesting.
Dave Barry
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Headbangers' are people who like heavy-metal music, which is performed by skinny men with huge hair who stomp around the stage, striking their instruments and shrieking angrily, apparently because somebody has stolen all their shirts.
Dave Barry
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It is important to be nice. But sometimes niceness can be misconstrued as weak. Should we be nice to everybody? Should we be nice only when others are nice to us? Here are some interesting views about being nice. Read these nice quotes and turn on your niceness.
Dave Barry
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Bill Gates is a very rich man today... and do you want to know why? The answer is one word: versions.
Dave Barry
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If Peter was nine, and a new boy came to St. Norbert’s Home for Wayward Boys who said he was ten, why, then, Peter would declare himself eleven. Also, he could spit the farthest. That made him the undisputed leader.
Dave Barry
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Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once.
Dave Barry
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The badness of a movie is directly proportional to the number of helicopters in it.
Dave Barry
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For Dad, the perfect Father's Day would be one in which he didn't even realize that it was Father's Day, because nobody was making him appreciate gifts he didn't want, or read greeting cards filled with lame Father's Day poetry.
Dave Barry
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Meetings are places where dead ideas rise from their graves and eat the brains of the living.
Dave Barry
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There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 11.
Dave Barry
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I've never actually given birth to a child, but I suspect that going to a Justin Bieber concert with a child is close.
Dave Barry
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Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.
Dave Barry
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...Hell, which as every frequent traveler knows, is in Concourse D of O'Hare Airport.
Dave Barry
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There are no bad haircuts in cyberspace.
Dave Barry
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Dogsled-riding is a sport that is relaxing as well as fragrant.
Dave Barry
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It was not easy victory in the America Cup. Our boys spent years experimenting with different designs for their boat before they came up with the innovative idea of having a submerged nuclear submarine tow it.
Dave Barry
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Long, long ago, before eruptions were invented, the molten lava had to be carried down the mountainside, bucket by bucket, and poured over the sleeping villagers. This took time.
Dave Barry
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Technically, Windows is an operating system, which means that it supplies your computer with the basic commands that it needs to suddenly, with no warning whatsoever, stop operating.
Dave Barry
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His body rigid with terror as he waited for the savages to something horrible to him—bash his head with clubs, or stab him with spears, or… …or tap him on the shoulder.
Dave Barry
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Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.
Dave Barry