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Like all writers, my greatest inspiration, my ultimate muse, is a deadline.

Dave Barry

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Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
Inspiration
Greatest
Like
Deadline
Muse
Writers
Ultimate

More quotes by Dave Barry

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Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it.
Dave Barry
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Love and pregnancy and riding on a camel cannot be hid
Dave Barry
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Palestinian and Israeli leaders finally recover the Road Map to Peace, only to discover that, while they were looking for it, the Lug Nuts of Mutual Interest came off the Front Left Wheel of Accommodation, causing the Sport Utility Vehicle of Progress to crash into the Ditch of Despair.
Dave Barry
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One of the major hobbies in South Florida is keeping animals that no sane person would want to keep. One of those is snakes. They usually get them when they're small, and when they get too big, they let them go. But there are also people with monkeys, lions, tigers. And they all get away, eventually.
Dave Barry
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I've come to realize that you're going to get criticized no matter what. Somebody will always hate what you write, especially if you write humor for a fairly broad audience. Somebody will always find it not funny and declare you're not funny anymore. And sometimes people are just crazy.
Dave Barry
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To enter Europe, you must have a valid passport with a photograph of yourself in which you look like you are being booked on charges of soliciting sheep.
Dave Barry
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I never had the vaguest idea whether any of it had anything to do with me, especially being a sixth grader. When I got older and traveled, I'd read about the history of where I was going. I'd be like, Oh, history is kind of interesting.
Dave Barry
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Note that both of these papers [the New York Post and the New York Daily News] are big sellers in a city whose residents like to go around saying they'd never live anyplace else on account of they'd miss the opera.
Dave Barry
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Scientists now believe that the primary biological function of breasts is to make males stupid.
Dave Barry
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The books all say that barracuda rarely eat people, but very few barracuda can read.
Dave Barry
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Long, long ago, before eruptions were invented, the molten lava had to be carried down the mountainside, bucket by bucket, and poured over the sleeping villagers. This took time.
Dave Barry
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Your guess is as good as mine. Better probably, because you haven't had four beers.
Dave Barry
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The way this country deals with drugs is just not funny. What a waste of everyone's time and effort. What a waste of a lot of people's lives.
Dave Barry
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If you asked me to name the three scariest threats facing the human race, I would give the same answer that most people would: nuclear war, global warming and Windows.
Dave Barry
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Japan has a low crime rate, unless you count the fact that approximately every fifteen minutes the entire Cabinet gets indicted for taking bribes.
Dave Barry
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I like golf because you can be really terrible at it, and still not look much dorkier than anybody else.
Dave Barry
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If there really is a God who created the entire universe with all of its glories, and He decides to deliver a message to humanity, He will not use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.
Dave Barry
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Without good grammar, the United States would have lost World War II.
Dave Barry
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I would say that the single most important conclusion I reached, after traveling through Japan, as well as countless hours reading, studying, and analyzing this fascinating culture, is that you should always tighten the cap on the shampoo bottle before you put it in your suitcase.
Dave Barry
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The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.
Dave Barry