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The Republicans have a high Beady-Eyed Self-Righteous Scary Borderline Loon Quotient, as evidenced by Phyllis Schlafly, Pat Robertson, the entire state of Utah, etc.
Dave Barry
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Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
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Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
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More quotes by Dave Barry
For 41 years I have gone with a very natural hair look that was originally popularized by coconuts.
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I've never actually given birth to a child, but I suspect that going to a Justin Bieber concert with a child is close.
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It was you readers who really came through, proving once again that when the American people decide to get involved in a problem, it is best not to let them have any sharp implements.
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As a taxpayer, you are required to be fully in compliance with the United States Tax Code, which is currently the size and weight of the Budweiser Clydesdales.
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Palestinian and Israeli leaders finally recover the Road Map to Peace, only to discover that, while they were looking for it, the Lug Nuts of Mutual Interest came off the Front Left Wheel of Accommodation, causing the Sport Utility Vehicle of Progress to crash into the Ditch of Despair.
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...Hell, which as every frequent traveler knows, is in Concourse D of O'Hare Airport.
Dave Barry
I'm not saying that women don't think about sex also. I'm saying that women are capable, for at least brief periods of time, of not thinking about sex, and that most guys are not.
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Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.
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The objective is not so much to walk your dog, as it is to empty him.
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Shawn's (Shawn Weatherly - former beauty queen) acting ability is such that she could not convey the concept of falling if your pushed her off a cliff.
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What may seem depressing or even tragic to one person may seem like an absolute scream to another person, especially if he has had between four and seven beers.
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Congress is thinking about eliminating a federal program under which scientists broadcast signals to Alien beings. This would be a large mistake. Alien beings have atomic blaster death cannons. You cannot cut off their federal programs as if they were merely poor people.
Dave Barry
Note that both of these papers [the New York Post and the New York Daily News] are big sellers in a city whose residents like to go around saying they'd never live anyplace else on account of they'd miss the opera.
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If you have a big enough dictionary, just about everything is a word.
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But the feeling I have, you know, is that I'll never come close to reading all, or even a thousandth- a billionth- of the books I'd probably love if I ever got to them.
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A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
Dave Barry
Most married couples, even though they love each other very much in theory, tend to view each other in practice as large teeming flaw colonies, the result of being that they get on each other's nerves and regularly erupt into vicious emotional shouting matches over such issues as toaster settings.
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In the words of a very famous dead person, 'A nation that does not know its history is doomed to do poorly on the Scholastic Aptitude Test.
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The science fair has long been a favorite educational tool in the American school system, and for a good reason: Your teachers hate you.
Dave Barry
The story of the eighties will be the story of the Reagan administration and the many men and women who served in it, some of whom are already out on parole.
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