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Meetings are places where dead ideas rise from their graves and eat the brains of the living.
Dave Barry
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Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
Places
Dead
Brain
Living
Ideas
Brains
Graves
Meetings
Rise
More quotes by Dave Barry
There are no bad haircuts in cyberspace.
Dave Barry
In fact, just about all the major natural attractions you find in the West- the Grand Canyon, the Badlands, the Goodlands, the Mediocrelands, the Rocky Mountains and Robert Redford- were caused by erosion.
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Miami drivers will attempt to pass you inside a car wash.
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One day soon the Gillette company will announce the development of a razor that, thanks to a computer microchip, can actually travel ahead in time and shave beard hairs that don't even exist yet
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As you get older you've probably noticed that you tend to forget things. You'll be talking with somebody at a party, and you'll know that you know this person, but no matter how hard you try, you can't remember his or her name. This can be very embarassing, especially if he or she turns out to be your spouse.
Dave Barry
The real threat to whales is whaling, which has endangered many whale species.
Dave Barry
I've been checking with people back in South Florida to see if Hurricane Dennis is going to whack my house, and the consensus of the experts seems to be: No, it will not, unless it does, in which case, yes. So I'm feeling really calm over here in London.
Dave Barry
We'll try to cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citizens, we feel a strong patriotic duty not to go to jail.
Dave Barry
Panicky despair is an underrated element of writing.
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Do not spit gum in the drinking fountains.
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DNA is an abbreviation for deoxyribonucleicantidisestablishmentarianism, a complex string of syllables.
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You have to be careful on the deck, because of the hatches, which are holes placed around a sailboat at random to increase the insurance rates.
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Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.
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Black Stache had no love for the Queen, no love for women of any sort, except for his ma. He had a real soft spot for his ma, and was truly sorry for the time he’d marooned her.
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What, exactly, is the internet? Basically it is a global network exchanging digitized data in such a way that any computer, anywhere, that is equipped with a device called a 'modem', can make a noise like a duck choking on a kazoo
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All the shopping malls and restaurants and airports are riddled with low-fidelity loudspeakers, which apparently have developed the ability to reproduce by themselves these are all connected to a special programming service called Music That Nobody Really Likes, and you cannot get away from it.
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Eventually everyone has to die, except Elvis.
Dave Barry
A small deer came into my camp and stole my bag of pickles. Is there a way I can get reimbursed? Please call.
Dave Barry
Reading... a vacation for the mind.
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Here's a man who was twice elected to the most powerful position on Earth despite needing a TelePrompTer to correctly identify what year it was.
Dave Barry
