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Why do we shave? It doesn't seem like a natural activity. There are no examples of shaving in nature. The only creature that comes close is the male South Pacific Groping Beetle, which sometimes, just before mating, will slap on a little Aqua Velva. But we think this resulted from atomic testing.

Dave Barry

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Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
Seems
Activity
Examples
Groping
Littles
Close
Pacific
Beetles
Little
Seem
Testing
Mating
Sometimes
Example
Creature
Shave
Think
Natural
Male
Resulted
Thinking
Comes
Males
Shaving
Aqua
Like
Doesn
South
Atomic
Nature
Creatures
Slap
Beetle

More quotes by Dave Barry

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The real threat to whales is whaling, which has endangered many whale species.
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It takes a minimum of six people, working in close harmony, to successfully flush a nautical toilet. That's why those old ships carried such large crews.
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Cyrus Pembridge, the Never Land’s captain, was widely regarded as the most incompetent man to comman a ship since the formation of water. “Who in the name of common sense would put to sea on that ship with that man in charge?” wondered Mack. “Well,” Alf answered, “we are.” “True,” Mack said.
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One of the major hobbies in South Florida is keeping animals that no sane person would want to keep. One of those is snakes. They usually get them when they're small, and when they get too big, they let them go. But there are also people with monkeys, lions, tigers. And they all get away, eventually.
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I really try to think cinematically, because that's how people read. They create a theater in their minds.
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At least once per year, some group of scientists will become very excited and announce that: •The universe is even bigger than they thought! •There are even more subatomic particles than they thought! •Whatever they announced last year about global warming is wrong.
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I have always dressed according to certain Basic Guy Fashion Rules,including: Both of your socks should always be the same color, Or they should at least both be fairly dark.
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I called a company and asked to speak to Bob. The person who answered said, Bob is on vacation. Would you like to hold?
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The great thing about golf - and this is the reason why a lot of health experts like me recommend it - you can drink beer and ride in a cart while you play.
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I read Remembrance of Things Past in the original French. I never start the day without reading me some [Marcel] Proust.
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Most of the presidential candidates' economic packages involve 'tax breaks,' which is when the government, amid great fanfare, generously decides not to take quite so much of your income. In other words, these candidates are trying to buy your votes with your own money.
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I actually kind of like Janet Reno. She seems like a nice enough lady. But when you're basically going through the entire phone book trying to find women lawyers who don't have maids to pick the attorney general of the United States, how well can you do?
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No man had ever knocked little Richard down. But of course Ammm was not a man.
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Seriously? You won’t help me?” “Help yourself get killed? No, I won’t.
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I guess libertarianism is always considered so weird and fringe that people assume that you're in the closet if you don't go around talking about it.
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Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask whether your country has been inhaling paint-thinner fumes.
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I read the whole Jack Reacher series by Lee Child. They don't take long.
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The Japanese tend to be far more co-operative and docile and group-oriented. It would be easier to get the entire population of Tokyo to wear matching outfits than to get any two randomly selected Americans to agree on pizza toppings.
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English history consists largely of royal people getting their heads chopped off...Needless to say, this brand of history was a hit with our son.
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My problem with chess was that all my pieces wanted to end the game as soon as possible.
Dave Barry