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Any parent that relies on any law to help him parent is an idiot.
Dave Barry
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Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
Idiot
Rely
Parent
Law
Help
Helping
Relies
More quotes by Dave Barry
There's nothing wrong with enjoying looking at the surface of the ocean itself, except that when you finally see what goes on underwater,you realize that you've been missing the whole point of the ocean. Staying on the surface all the time is like going to the circus and staring at the outside of the tent.
Dave Barry
A short distance away is the Tidal Basin, ringed by cherry trees that every year produce flowers, an event to which Washingtonians react as though it were the Second Coming of Christ.
Dave Barry
Cigarette sales would drop to zero overnight if the warning said CIGARETTES CONTAIN FAT.
Dave Barry
One of the issues that we professional newspaper columnists are required by union regulations to voice grave concern about is the federal budget deficit, which we refer to as the mounting deficit, because every extra word helps when you have to produce a certain number of gravely concerned newsprint inches.
Dave Barry
I have never had a point in my life to make. I'm just trying to entertain the reader.
Dave Barry
The Internet browser... is the piece of software that puts a message on your computer screen informing you that the Internet is currently busy and you should try again later.
Dave Barry
Here in Miami, on weekends, amusement-seekers will come to the marina, set up folding chairs, and spend a highly entertaining day watching boat owners perform comical maneuvers such as forgetting to set their parking brakes and having their cars roll down the ramp and disappear, burbling gaily, below the surface.
Dave Barry
As you know, birds do not have sexual organs because they would interfere with flight.
Dave Barry
Disney Resort and World and Compound, a place where your dreams really do come true, if you dream about having people wearing enormous cartoon-animal heads come around to your restaurant table and act whimsical and refuse to go away until you laugh with delight.
Dave Barry
Someone was tapping on the window.
Dave Barry
In those days, most people read newspapers, whereas today, most people do not. What caused this change? One big factor, of course, is that people are a lot stupider than they used to be, although we here in the newspaper industry would never say so in print.
Dave Barry
Why can't Americans do their own taxes? Because the federal Tax Code is out of control, that's why. It's gigantic and insanely complex, and it gets worse all the time. Nobody has ever read the whole thing. IRS workers are afraid to go into the same ROOM with it.
Dave Barry
I do not mean to suggest for a moment that all it takes to be a top executive is a custom-tailored European suit. You also need the correct shirt and tie.
Dave Barry
Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.
Dave Barry
I love Halloween. It reminds me of my happy childhood days as a student at Wampus Elementary School in Armonk, N.Y., when we youngsters used to celebrate Halloween by making decorations out of construction paper and that white paste that you could eat.
Dave Barry
Your guess is as good as mine. Better probably, because you haven't had four beers.
Dave Barry
Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once.
Dave Barry
The Internet is a giant international network of intelligent, informed computer enthusiasts, by which I mean, people without lives. We don't care. We have each other.
Dave Barry
Smee! Raise the Ladies!
Dave Barry
Flying from the United States to Tokyo takes approximately as long as law school.
Dave Barry
