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It's a real smug self-righteous punk kid saying nobody has the right to tell him what to do and how dare you put a sign up saying that I can't go on your property?

Dave Barry

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Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
Nobody
Saying
Tell
Smug
Kids
Righteous
Self
Punk
Right
Sign
Real
Dare
Property

More quotes by Dave Barry

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We're deep into the holiday gift-giving season, as you can tell from the fact that everywhere you look, you see jolly old St. Nick urging you to purchase things, to the point where you want to slug him right in his bowl full of jelly.
Dave Barry
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Why can't Americans do their own taxes? Because the federal Tax Code is out of control, that's why. It's gigantic and insanely complex, and it gets worse all the time. Nobody has ever read the whole thing. IRS workers are afraid to go into the same ROOM with it.
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The IRS spends God knows how much of your tax money on these toll-free information hotlines staffed by IRS employees, whose idea of a dynamite tax tip is that you should print neatly.
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No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
Dave Barry
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What I need is a search engine that, no matter what I type in, comes back with GO BACK TO WORK.
Dave Barry
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I'm not the only taxpayer who has no idea what he's sending to the IRS. This year, only 28 percent of all Americans will prepare their own tax returns, according to a voice in my head that invents accurate-sounding statistics.
Dave Barry
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What I like best about the telephone is that it keeps you in touch with people, particularly people who want to sell you magazine subscriptions in the middle of the night.
Dave Barry
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Of course God enjoys a good prank as much as the next infallible deity.
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Dogsled-riding is a sport that is relaxing as well as fragrant.
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The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting.
Dave Barry
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The question is, why are politicians so eager to be president? What is it about the job that makes it worth revealing, on national television, that you have the ethical standards of a slime-coated piece of industrial waste?
Dave Barry
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Panicky despair is an underrated element of writing.
Dave Barry
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We decide to start with the best-known sight of all, the one that, more than any other, exemplifies what the Big Apple is all about: the Islip Garbage Barge.
Dave Barry
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Passing the SAT: My personal theory is that it has to do with how much money you send them in the mail. I think the amounts they tell you to send are actually just suggested minimum donations - if you get my drift.
Dave Barry
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I am much more likely to care about someone trying to be funny and give them some credit for whatever he or she did that was remotely funny than I am to be mused by somebody declaring this isn't funny, that isn't funny, this sucks. If you want to write humor, you're going to have to get used to that.
Dave Barry
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Babies and Other Hazards of Sex: How to Make a Tiny Person in Only 9 Months, with Tools You Probably Have around the Home.
Dave Barry
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Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.
Dave Barry
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We journalists... are also extremely impressed with scientists, and we will, frankly, print just about any wacky thing they tell us, especially if it involves outer space.
Dave Barry
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At the height of rush hour, people on the London underground actually say excuse me. Imagine what would happen if you tried an insane stunt like that on the New York City subway. The other passengers would take it as a sign of weakness, and there'd be a fight over who got to keep your ears as a trophy.
Dave Barry
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A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.
Dave Barry