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I don't like anything unsigned in a newspaper that purports to be the opinion of some group if we don't know who the group is. It's laughable to say that The Miami Herald's editorials or any newspaper's editorials represent any views other than those of the people writing them, so why don't we tell everybody who they are?

Dave Barry

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Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
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Film Producer
Humorist
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Novelist
Satirist
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Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
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More quotes by Dave Barry

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Reading... a vacation for the mind.
Dave Barry
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Today's scientific question is: What in the world is electricity? And where does it go after it leaves the toaster?
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It is a well-documented fact that guys will not ask for directions. This is a biological thing. This is why it takes several million sperm cells... to locate a female egg, despite the fact that the egg is, relative to them, the size of Wisconsin.
Dave Barry
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Flying from the United States to Tokyo takes approximately as long as law school.
Dave Barry
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For a while I got into the South Pacific theater of World War II. I read American Caesar by William Manchester, the biography of General MacArthur. Because of that I ended up reading Tales of the South Pacific by James Michener and then because of that reading his Hawaii. That is what happens.
Dave Barry
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One popular new plastic surgery technique is called lip grafting, or 'fat recycling,' wherein fat cells are removed from one part of your body that is too large, such as your buttocks, and injected into your lips. People will then be literally kissing ass.
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Database: the information you lose when your memory crashes.
Dave Barry
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If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
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You should definitely visit the Louvre, a world-famous art museum where you can view, at close range, the backs of thousands of other tourists trying to see the Mona Lisa.
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Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once.
Dave Barry
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Love and pregnancy and riding on a camel cannot be hid
Dave Barry
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The beer sold here in the United States is sweet and watery and lacking in taste and overcarbonated and just generally the lamest, wimpiest beer in the entire known world. All the other nations are drinking Ray Charles beer, and we are drinking Barry Manilow.
Dave Barry
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I think Superman should go on the Larry King show and announce that he would come back to life if people in all 50 states wanted him to.
Dave Barry
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A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
Dave Barry
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When I'm writing columns, it's - all I'm thinking about is jokes, joke, joke, joke, setup, punch line, joke, joke, joke. And I really don't care where it goes.
Dave Barry
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In Los Angeles, the jury in the Reginald Denny Beating trial, after much thinking, concludes, that Person A is not necessarily trying to kill Person B just because Person A happens to very deliberately bash Person B's skull in with a brick. The verdict is applauded by scientists at the Tobacco Institute.
Dave Barry
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The United States tried, by depressing the clutch of diplomacy and downshifting the gearshift lever of rhetoric, to remain neutral, but it became increasingly obvious that the nation was going to get into a war, especially since it was almost 1812.
Dave Barry
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Generally the pythons are better than anything else at killing.
Dave Barry
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Too many bugs and leeches and spiders and spiderwebs. Please spray the wilderness to rid the area of these pests.
Dave Barry
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A gene can be either dominant or recessive, depending on which type of gene it is.
Dave Barry