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I don't like anything unsigned in a newspaper that purports to be the opinion of some group if we don't know who the group is. It's laughable to say that The Miami Herald's editorials or any newspaper's editorials represent any views other than those of the people writing them, so why don't we tell everybody who they are?

Dave Barry

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Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
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Newspaper
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Purports
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Miami

More quotes by Dave Barry

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Trails need to be reconstructed. Please avoid building trails that go uphill.
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I read Remembrance of Things Past in the original French. I never start the day without reading me some [Marcel] Proust.
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As a child, I was more afraid of tetanus shots than, for example, Dracula.
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By today's beauty standards, of course, Marilyn Monroe was an oil tanker.
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Can we move this conversation along, I'm getting frightfully tired of 'hoa'.
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A hundred years ago, it could take you the better part of a year to get from New York to California whereas today, because of equipment problems at O'Hare, you can't get there at all.
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The most valuable function performed by the federal government is entertainment.
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The reason it's called Grape Nuts is that it contains dextrose, which is also sometimes called grape sugar, and also because Grape Nuts is catchier, in terms of marketing, than A Cross Between Gerbil Food and Gravel, which is what it tastes like.
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Guys care about sports teams. I'm not talking about simply rooting I'm talking about a relationship that guys develop, a commitment to a sport team that guys take way more seriously than, for example, wedding vows.
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It takes a minimum of six people, working in close harmony, to successfully flush a nautical toilet. That's why those old ships carried such large crews.
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Earnest is our dog. She senses instantly that something is wrong, and guided by that timeless and unerring nurturing instinct that all female dogs have, she tries to lick my ears off.
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UNIVAC: a device, which contained 20,000 vacuum tubes, occupied 1,500 square feet and weighed 40 tons there was also a laptop version weighing 27 tons.
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Granted, this system is insane, but we must not let sanity stand in the way of airport security.
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The books all say that barracuda rarely eat people, but very few barracuda can read.
Dave Barry
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The Japanese tend to be far more co-operative and docile and group-oriented. It would be easier to get the entire population of Tokyo to wear matching outfits than to get any two randomly selected Americans to agree on pizza toppings.
Dave Barry
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Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.
Dave Barry
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The easiest way to make a fruitcake is to buy a darkish cake, then pound some old, hard fruit into it with a mallet. Be sure to wear safety glasses.
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I am not a violent person. I am a product of the Flower Power '60s. I have actually worn bell-bottomed jeans.
Dave Barry
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Long, long ago, before eruptions were invented, the molten lava had to be carried down the mountainside, bucket by bucket, and poured over the sleeping villagers. This took time.
Dave Barry
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Hardware: This is the part of the computer that stops working when you spill beer on it.
Dave Barry