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There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 11.

Dave Barry

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Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
Bigs
Comes
Make
Expecting
Time
Birthday
People
Deal
Deals
Stop
Age

More quotes by Dave Barry

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The way this country deals with drugs is just not funny. What a waste of everyone's time and effort. What a waste of a lot of people's lives.
Dave Barry
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England manufactures most of the world's airline food, as well as all the food you ever ate in your junior-high-school cafeteria.
Dave Barry
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If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there are men on base.
Dave Barry
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Buying the right computer and getting it to work properly is no more complicated than building a nuclear reactor from wristwatch parts in a darkened room using only your teeth.
Dave Barry
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Like all writers, my greatest inspiration, my ultimate muse, is a deadline.
Dave Barry
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I am a superior form of human and I have absolutely no quirks or irrational impulses of any kind.
Dave Barry
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Once again we find ourselves enmeshed in the Holiday Season, that very special time of year when we join with our loved ones in sharing centuries-old traditions such as trying to find a parking space at the mall.
Dave Barry
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Black Stache had no love for the Queen, no love for women of any sort, except for his ma. He had a real soft spot for his ma, and was truly sorry for the time he’d marooned her.
Dave Barry
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The easiest way to make a fruitcake is to buy a darkish cake, then pound some old, hard fruit into it with a mallet. Be sure to wear safety glasses.
Dave Barry
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Miami, you can never run out of material. As long as you have Miami around you, you will never, never stop being amused.
Dave Barry
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Before going on a diet you should consult your doctor, or at least send him some money.
Dave Barry
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I would rather undergo a vasectomy via Weed Whacker than attend an opera.
Dave Barry
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This is true virtually all edible substances, and many automotive products, are now marketed as being low-fat or fat-free. Americans are obsessed with fat content.
Dave Barry
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I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me.
Dave Barry
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I want a pit crew... I hate the procedure I currently have to go through when I have car problems.
Dave Barry
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Talking about golf is always boring. Playing golf can be interesting, but not the part where you try to hit the little ball only the part where you drive the cart.
Dave Barry
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There is nothing as relaxing as being out on the open sea, listening to the waves and the wind and the sails and voices downstairs yelling HOW DO YOU FLUSH THESE TOILETS?
Dave Barry
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Spiders so large they appear to be wearing the pelts of small mammals.
Dave Barry
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Sign at a Tennessee highway: When this sign is under water, this road is impassable.
Dave Barry
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Passing the SAT: My personal theory is that it has to do with how much money you send them in the mail. I think the amounts they tell you to send are actually just suggested minimum donations - if you get my drift.
Dave Barry