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I called a company and asked to speak to Bob. The person who answered said, Bob is on vacation. Would you like to hold?

Dave Barry

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Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
Hold
Called
Company
Bob
Speak
Answered
Persons
Vacation
Person
Stupidity
Would
God
Like
Asked

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You can, legally, possibly hit and kill a fellow golfer with a ball, and there will not be a lot of trouble because the other golfers will refuse to stop and be witnesses because they will want to keep playing.
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Although humans tend to view sex as mainly a fun recreational activity sometimes resulting in death, in nature it is a far more serious matter.
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Think, for a moment, of the countless happy childhood hours you spent with this amazing device: Drawing perfect horizontals, drawing perfect verticals, drawing really spastic diagonals, trying to scrape away the silver powder from the window so you could look inside.
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Like many members of the uncultured, Cheez-It consuming public, I am not good at grasping modern art.
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No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
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The Romans spent the next 200 years using their great engineering skill to construct ruins all over Europe.
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I care about our young people, and I wish them great success, because they are our Hope for the Future, and some day, when my generation retires, they will have to pay us trillions of dollars in social security
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Palestinian and Israeli leaders finally recover the Road Map to Peace, only to discover that, while they were looking for it, the Lug Nuts of Mutual Interest came off the Front Left Wheel of Accommodation, causing the Sport Utility Vehicle of Progress to crash into the Ditch of Despair.
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The primary function of the government is - and here I am quoting directly from the U.S. Constitution - 'to spew out paper.'
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Unless you live in Indonesia, there should be several malls within five miles of your home. It makes no difference whatsoever which one you go to: Under federal law, all malls in the United States must have the same 42 chain stores.
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I am not a violent person. I am a product of the Flower Power '60s. I have actually worn bell-bottomed jeans.
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I would rather undergo a vasectomy via Weed Whacker than attend an opera.
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Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
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The method preferred by most balding men for making themselves look silly is called the comb over.
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There is a very fine line between hobby and mental illness.
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If Black Stache laughed, you laughed. If he snarled, you snarled. If he breathed in your direction, you ran for cover.
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Sailboats are the slowest form of transportation on Earth with the possible exeption of airline flights that go through O'Hare.
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Dogsled-riding is a sport that is relaxing as well as fragrant.
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Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear.
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I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated, so they can get into a good college that we cannot afford.
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