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Chair lifts need to be in some places so that we can get to wonderful views without having to hike to them.

Dave Barry

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Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
Views
Wonderful
Hike
Without
Chair
Need
Chairs
Needs
Lifts
Stupidity
God
Places

More quotes by Dave Barry

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The taxpayers cannot be relied upon to support performing arts such as opera. As a taxpayer, I am forced to admit that I would rather undergo a vasectomy via Weed Whacker than attend an opera.
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If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there are men on base.
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Yet another spunky li'l NASA robot lands and begins transmitting back photographs of rocks that appear virtually identical to the rock photos beamed back by all the other spunky li'l NASA robots, thus confirming suspicions that the universe has a LOT of rocks in it.
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No man had ever knocked little Richard down. But of course Ammm was not a man.
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Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.
Dave Barry
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Line printer paper is strongest at the perforations.
Dave Barry
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The question is: What can we, as citizens, do to reform our tax system? As you know, under our three-branch system of government, the tax laws are created by: Satan. But he works through the Congress, so that's where we must focus our efforts.
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The real threat to whales is whaling, which has endangered many whale species.
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Babies and Other Hazards of Sex: How to Make a Tiny Person in Only 9 Months, with Tools You Probably Have around the Home.
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I've been checking with people back in South Florida to see if Hurricane Dennis is going to whack my house, and the consensus of the experts seems to be: No, it will not, unless it does, in which case, yes. So I'm feeling really calm over here in London.
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I'm not the only taxpayer who has no idea what he's sending to the IRS. This year, only 28 percent of all Americans will prepare their own tax returns, according to a voice in my head that invents accurate-sounding statistics.
Dave Barry
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We journalists... are also extremely impressed with scientists, and we will, frankly, print just about any wacky thing they tell us, especially if it involves outer space.
Dave Barry
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A hundred years ago, it could take you the better part of a year to get from New York to California whereas today, because of equipment problems at O'Hare, you can't get there at all.
Dave Barry
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Cats are independent, by which I mean smart.
Dave Barry
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Scientists now believe that the primary biological function of breasts is to make males stupid.
Dave Barry
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Here's a man who was twice elected to the most powerful position on Earth despite needing a TelePrompTer to correctly identify what year it was.
Dave Barry
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Tokyo is huge. Something like 15 million people live there, and my estimate is that at any given moment, 14.7 million of them are lost.
Dave Barry
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As you know, birds do not have sexual organs because they would interfere with flight.
Dave Barry
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The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion or ethnic background, is that we all believe we are above-average drivers.
Dave Barry
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Without good grammar, the United States would have lost World War II.
Dave Barry