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I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.

Dave Barry

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Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
Stuck
Sniffing
God
Cubes
Tried
Coke
Drug
Addict
Nose
Ice
Noses
Stupidity

More quotes by Dave Barry

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Millions of Americans own dogs, because they are good-natured, simple, and easily amused. I am referring here to the Americans. The dogs are not exactly Mensa members either, but they definitely make better pets than tropical fish.
Dave Barry
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One key lesson of history is that virtually anything, including afternoon or evening thundershowers, causes Germany to invade Belgium.
Dave Barry
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The United States tried, by depressing the clutch of diplomacy and downshifting the gearshift lever of rhetoric, to remain neutral, but it became increasingly obvious that the nation was going to get into a war, especially since it was almost 1812.
Dave Barry
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You should definitely have a travel agent. Why go through all the hassle of dealing with airlines, hotels, and rental-car agencies yourself, only to see the arrangements get all screwed up, when with just a single phone call you can have a trained professional screw them up for you?
Dave Barry
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I suspect that LaGuardia is an elaborate prank, and New York has a real airport nearby that only locals know about.
Dave Barry
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To enter Europe, you must have a valid passport with a photograph of yourself in which you look like you are being booked on charges of soliciting sheep.
Dave Barry
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Socially prominent people are very fond of disease, because it gives them a chance to have these really elaborate charity functions, and the newspaper headlines say 'EVENING IN PARIS BALL RAISES MONEY TO FIGHT GOUT' instead of 'RICH PEOPLE AMUSE THEMSELVES'.
Dave Barry
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All other nations are drinking Ray Charles beer and we are drinking Barry Manilow.
Dave Barry
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A hundred years ago, it could take you the better part of a year to get from New York to California whereas today, because of equipment problems at O'Hare, you can't get there at all.
Dave Barry
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Another important rule of affair-having: Never be discreet at the office.
Dave Barry
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The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting.
Dave Barry
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I now realize that the small hills you see on ski slopes are formed around the bodies of forty-seven-year-olds who tried to learn snowboarding.
Dave Barry
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As a professional journalist, I have always been fascinated by people who appear to have even more spare time than I do.
Dave Barry
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There's an old saying among scientific guys: You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs, ideally by dropping a cement truck on them from a crane.
Dave Barry
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Long, long ago, before eruptions were invented, the molten lava had to be carried down the mountainside, bucket by bucket, and poured over the sleeping villagers. This took time.
Dave Barry
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All these people helped make this book possible. But let me make one thing clear: If there are any errors or omissions in this book, these people are not responsible. In the end, there is only one person responsible for what I write, and that person, of course, is: Donald Trump.
Dave Barry
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Recently I began to feel this void in my life, even after meals, and I said to myself, Dave, all you do with your spare time is sit around and drink beer. You need a hobby. So I got a hobby. I make beer.
Dave Barry
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When I say dogs, I'm talking about dogs, which are large, bounding, salivating animals, usually with bad breath. I am not talking about those little squeaky things you can hold on your lap and carry around. Zoologically speaking, these are not dogs at all they are members of the pillow family.
Dave Barry
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Never trust anything you read in a travel article. Travel articles appear in publications that sell large, expensive advertisements to tourism-related industries, and these industries do not wish to see articles with headlines like: URUGUAY: DON'T BOTHER.
Dave Barry
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The IRS spends God knows how much of your tax money on these toll-free information hotlines staffed by IRS employees, whose idea of a dynamite tax tip is that you should print neatly.
Dave Barry