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Dinner Special - Turkey $2.35 Chicken or Beef $2.25 Children $2.00

Dave Barry

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Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
Turkey
Chicken
Chickens
Stupidity
Dinner
God
Special
Beef
Children
Turkeys

More quotes by Dave Barry

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You can use the Internet to find out, from anywhere on the planet: exactly how much coffee is in a certain coffee machine at Cambridge University in England exactly how many sodas are available in certain vending machines at certain major universities and much, much more.
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I now realize that the small hills you see on ski slopes are formed around the bodies of forty-seven-year-olds who tried to learn snowboarding.
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Passing the SAT: My personal theory is that it has to do with how much money you send them in the mail. I think the amounts they tell you to send are actually just suggested minimum donations - if you get my drift.
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There are no bad haircuts in cyberspace.
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I am a superior form of human and I have absolutely no quirks or irrational impulses of any kind.
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The old system of having a baby was much better than the new system, the old system being characterized by the fact that the man didn't have to watch.
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There is nothing as relaxing as being out on the open sea, listening to the waves and the wind and the sails and voices downstairs yelling HOW DO YOU FLUSH THESE TOILETS?
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No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
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The taxpayers cannot be relied upon to support performing arts such as opera. As a taxpayer, I am forced to admit that I would rather undergo a vasectomy via Weed Whacker than attend an opera.
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Your guess is as good as mine. Better probably, because you haven't had four beers.
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No man had ever knocked little Richard down. But of course Ammm was not a man.
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My theory is that there is a finite amount of intelligence in a family, and you're supposed to gradually transfer it to your children over a period of many years. This is why your parents started to get so stupid just at the time in your life when you were getting really smart.
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To better understand why you need a personal computer, let's take a look at the pathetic mess you call your life.
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I argue very well. Just ask any of my remaining friends.
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For Dad, the perfect Father's Day would be one in which he didn't even realize that it was Father's Day, because nobody was making him appreciate gifts he didn't want, or read greeting cards filled with lame Father's Day poetry.
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The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting.
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The method (of learning Japanese) recommended by experts is to be born as a Japanese baby and raised by a Japanese family, in Japan. And even then it's not easy.
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Magnetism, as you recall from physics class, is a powerful force that causes certain items to be attracted to refrigerators.
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Megahertz: This is really, really big hertz.
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There are two kinds of people in this world, and I am one of them.
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