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Dinner Special - Turkey $2.35 Chicken or Beef $2.25 Children $2.00

Dave Barry

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Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
Chickens
Stupidity
Dinner
God
Special
Beef
Children
Turkeys
Turkey
Chicken

More quotes by Dave Barry

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Talking about golf is always boring. Playing golf can be interesting, but not the part where you try to hit the little ball only the part where you drive the cart.
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If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
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Think, for a moment, of the countless happy childhood hours you spent with this amazing device: Drawing perfect horizontals, drawing perfect verticals, drawing really spastic diagonals, trying to scrape away the silver powder from the window so you could look inside.
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All other nations are drinking Ray Charles beer and we are drinking Barry Manilow.
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Florida's number three industry, behind tourism and skin cancer, is voter fraud.
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Dear Hotel People: We don't need a cheeseball clock-radio. WE NEED PLACES TO PLUG STUFF IN. Thank you.
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Here's a man who was twice elected to the most powerful position on Earth despite needing a TelePrompTer to correctly identify what year it was.
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What a crock. I could easily overemphasize the importance of good grammar. For example, I could say: Bad grammar is the leading cause of slow, painful death in North America, or Without good grammar, the United States would have lost World War II.
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I have never had a point in my life to make. I'm just trying to entertain the reader.
Dave Barry
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Today, you're 50. Now we can round your age up to 100! Happy 50th birthday!
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I don't like anything unsigned in a newspaper that purports to be the opinion of some group if we don't know who the group is. It's laughable to say that The Miami Herald's editorials or any newspaper's editorials represent any views other than those of the people writing them, so why don't we tell everybody who they are?
Dave Barry
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Within less than an hour, Chuck and I easily located what could well be the correct platform, where we pass the time by perspiring freely until the train storms in, colorfully decorated, as is the tradition in New York, with the spray-painted initials of all the people it has run over.
Dave Barry
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Granted, this system is insane, but we must not let sanity stand in the way of airport security.
Dave Barry
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Disney Resort and World and Compound, a place where your dreams really do come true, if you dream about having people wearing enormous cartoon-animal heads come around to your restaurant table and act whimsical and refuse to go away until you laugh with delight.
Dave Barry
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All the shopping malls and restaurants and airports are riddled with low-fidelity loudspeakers, which apparently have developed the ability to reproduce by themselves these are all connected to a special programming service called Music That Nobody Really Likes, and you cannot get away from it.
Dave Barry
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I have always dressed according to certain Basic Guy Fashion Rules,including: Both of your socks should always be the same color, Or they should at least both be fairly dark.
Dave Barry
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In those days, most people read newspapers, whereas today, most people do not. What caused this change? One big factor, of course, is that people are a lot stupider than they used to be, although we here in the newspaper industry would never say so in print.
Dave Barry
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I actually kind of like Janet Reno. She seems like a nice enough lady. But when you're basically going through the entire phone book trying to find women lawyers who don't have maids to pick the attorney general of the United States, how well can you do?
Dave Barry
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Passing the SAT: My personal theory is that it has to do with how much money you send them in the mail. I think the amounts they tell you to send are actually just suggested minimum donations - if you get my drift.
Dave Barry
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If the security personnel do their job properly, they just might cause you to miss your plane, thereby possibly saving your life.
Dave Barry