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Note that both of these papers [the New York Post and the New York Daily News] are big sellers in a city whose residents like to go around saying they'd never live anyplace else on account of they'd miss the opera.

Dave Barry

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Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
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Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
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Residents

More quotes by Dave Barry

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Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
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I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me.
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By today's beauty standards, of course, Marilyn Monroe was an oil tanker.
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Crabgrass can grow on bowling balls in airless rooms, and there is no known way to kill it that does not involve nuclear weapons.
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As a taxpayer, you are required to be fully in compliance with the United States Tax Code, which is currently the size and weight of the Budweiser Clydesdales.
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If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be 'meetings.'
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We constantly see surveys that reveal this ignorance, especially among our high school students,78 percent of whom, in a recent nationwide multiple-choice test, identified Abraham Lincoln as 'a kind of lobster.' That's right: more than three quarters of our nation's youth could not correctly identify the man who invented the telephone.
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The method preferred by most balding men for making themselves look silly is called the comb over.
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To better understand why you need a personal computer, let's take a look at the pathetic mess you call your life.
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San Francisco leads the world in the category of Most People On The Sidewalk Holding Conversations With Purely Imaginary Companions.
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You have to be careful on the deck, because of the hatches, which are holes placed around a sailboat at random to increase the insurance rates.
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If you want to give a man something practical, consider tires. More than once, I would have gladly traded all the gifts I got for a new set of tires.
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All other nations are drinking Ray Charles beer and we are drinking Barry Manilow.
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I had arrived at the airport one hour early so that, in accordance with airline procedures, I could stand around.
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AARP is a large and powerful organization, similar to the Mafia but more concerned about dietary fiber.
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You should definitely visit the Louvre, a world-famous art museum where you can view, at close range, the backs of thousands of other tourists trying to see the Mona Lisa.
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All the shopping malls and restaurants and airports are riddled with low-fidelity loudspeakers, which apparently have developed the ability to reproduce by themselves these are all connected to a special programming service called Music That Nobody Really Likes, and you cannot get away from it.
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If you answered, ''Spin the Bottle,'' then I frankly do not want to know any more about your childhood.
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Cigarette sales would drop to zero overnight if the warning said CIGARETTES CONTAIN FAT.
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My problem with chess was that all my pieces wanted to end the game as soon as possible.
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