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The great thing about golf - and this is the reason why a lot of health experts like me recommend it - you can drink beer and ride in a cart while you play.

Dave Barry

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Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
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Beer
Golf
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Health
Cart
Reason
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Tokyo is huge. Something like 15 million people live there, and my estimate is that at any given moment, 14.7 million of them are lost.
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The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion or ethnic background, is that we all believe we are above-average drivers.
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Black Stache had no love for the Queen, no love for women of any sort, except for his ma. He had a real soft spot for his ma, and was truly sorry for the time he’d marooned her.
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Dear Hotel People: We don't need a cheeseball clock-radio. WE NEED PLACES TO PLUG STUFF IN. Thank you.
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The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice.
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Seriously? You won’t help me?” “Help yourself get killed? No, I won’t.
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Why do we shave? It doesn't seem like a natural activity. There are no examples of shaving in nature. The only creature that comes close is the male South Pacific Groping Beetle, which sometimes, just before mating, will slap on a little Aqua Velva. But we think this resulted from atomic testing.
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A perfect parent is a person with excellent child-rearing theories and no actual children.
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Sometimes you panic and find yourself emitting remarks so profoundly inane that you would be embarrassed to say them to your dog. Your dog would look at you and think to itself, 'I may lick myself in public, but I'd never say anything as stupid as that.'
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In 1765, Parliament passed the Stamp Act, which, as any American high school student can tell you, was an act that apparently had something to do with stamps.
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You might have mentioned this to me Molly,” said Leonard. “The fact that there are hostile natives on the island.” “I forgot,” said Molly. “You forgot?” said Leonard. “There’s been a lot happening,” said Molly.
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Cats are independent, by which I mean smart.
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Unless you live in Indonesia, there should be several malls within five miles of your home. It makes no difference whatsoever which one you go to: Under federal law, all malls in the United States must have the same 42 chain stores.
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When I say dogs, I'm talking about dogs, which are large, bounding, salivating animals, usually with bad breath. I am not talking about those little squeaky things you can hold on your lap and carry around. Zoologically speaking, these are not dogs at all they are members of the pillow family.
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I have a friend named Doris who argues, on good authority, that the single biggest cause of global warming is menopause.
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The Sixties are now considered a historical period, just like the Roman Empire.
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His body rigid with terror as he waited for the savages to something horrible to him—bash his head with clubs, or stab him with spears, or… …or tap him on the shoulder.
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Cyrus Pembridge, the Never Land’s captain, was widely regarded as the most incompetent man to comman a ship since the formation of water. “Who in the name of common sense would put to sea on that ship with that man in charge?” wondered Mack. “Well,” Alf answered, “we are.” “True,” Mack said.
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If you have a big enough dictionary, just about everything is a word.
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It is important to be nice. But sometimes niceness can be misconstrued as weak. Should we be nice to everybody? Should we be nice only when others are nice to us? Here are some interesting views about being nice. Read these nice quotes and turn on your niceness.
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