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Millions of Americans own dogs, because they are good-natured, simple, and easily amused. I am referring here to the Americans. The dogs are not exactly Mensa members either, but they definitely make better pets than tropical fish.

Dave Barry

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Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
Either
Easily
Pet
Simple
Definitely
Lakes
Dog
Fishing
Better
Sea
Dogs
Natured
Make
Exactly
Fish
Tropical
Good
Americans
Fishes
Pets
Members
Boat
Referring
Millions
Rivers
Amused

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What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death.
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I argue very well. Just ask any of my remaining friends.
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AARP is a large and powerful organization, similar to the Mafia but more concerned about dietary fiber.
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Basically Ken is a very gentle, home-loving person. I remember when one of his stick insects had a knee infection. He stayed up all night rubbing it with germoline and banging its head on the table.
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The trouble is, you cannot grow just one zucchini. Minutes after you plant a single seed, hundreds of zucchini will barge out of the ground and sprawl around the garden, menacing the other vegetables. At night, you will be able to hear the ground quake as more and more zucchinis erupt.
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Your friends love you anyway.
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Like many members of the uncultured, Cheez-It consuming public, I am not good at grasping modern art.
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He felt a momentary pang of regret that he had not spent more time with his beloved wife. But it passed when he remembered that the reason he’d gone to sea in the first place was that he had never really liked his beloved wife.
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In those days, most people read newspapers, whereas today, most people do not. What caused this change? One big factor, of course, is that people are a lot stupider than they used to be, although we here in the newspaper industry would never say so in print.
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Hardware: This is the part of the computer that stops working when you spill beer on it.
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...Hell, which as every frequent traveler knows, is in Concourse D of O'Hare Airport.
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I have come up with a sure-fire concept for a hit television show, which would be called `A Live Celebrity Gets Eaten by a Shark'.
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I become faint and nauseous during even very minor medical procedures, such as making an appointment by phone.
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I don't have any insight or understanding on anything about the government. All I think is that it's stupid - which is the one perspective that's almost completely lacking in Washington.
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You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
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One of the major hobbies in South Florida is keeping animals that no sane person would want to keep. One of those is snakes. They usually get them when they're small, and when they get too big, they let them go. But there are also people with monkeys, lions, tigers. And they all get away, eventually.
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