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There's an old saying among scientific guys: You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs, ideally by dropping a cement truck on them from a crane.
Dave Barry
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Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
Science
Eggs
Omelet
Without
Breaking
Crane
Make
Scientific
Omelets
Guys
Cranes
Among
Ideally
Saying
Cement
Guy
Dropping
Funny
Truck
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I will vote for the first candidate who promises to use nuclear missiles against LinkedIn.
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My son wouldn't go get heroin. If he did or didn't, it wouldn't have anything to do with whether it was legal or illegal.
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Advice to expectant mothers: you must remember that when you are pregnant, you are eating for two. But you must remember that the other one of you is about the size of a golf ball, so let's not go overboard with it. I mean, a lot of pregnant women eat as though the other person they're eating for is Orson Welles.
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Earnest is our dog. She senses instantly that something is wrong, and guided by that timeless and unerring nurturing instinct that all female dogs have, she tries to lick my ears off.
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The question is, why are politicians so eager to be president? What is it about the job that makes it worth revealing, on national television, that you have the ethical standards of a slime-coated piece of industrial waste?
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They have a lot of trouble with pronunciation, because they can't move their jaw muscles, because of malnutrition caused by wisely refusing to eat English food, much of which was designed and manufactured in medieval times during the reign of King Walter the Mildly Disturbed.
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Talking about golf is always boring. Playing golf can be interesting, but not the part where you try to hit the little ball only the part where you drive the cart.
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Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it.
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Line printer paper is strongest at the perforations.
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Another foreign-policy triumph for Reagan was his 1984 visit to China, where he met for more than three hours with Mao Zedong before realizing that Mao was dead.
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Can we move this conversation along, I'm getting frightfully tired of 'hoa'.
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I'm one of those people who tells my wife, No coaching from the sidelines.
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Every year, hundreds of thousands of people try their hand at this demanding profession (humor columnist). After a few months, almost all of them have given up and gone back to the ninth grade.
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RAM: This gives guys a way of deciding whose computer has the biggest, studliest memory. That's important, because the more memory a computer has, the faster it can produce error messages.
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I was a middle-of-the-road Democrat more than anything else. I know I voted for Carter. Watergate taught me how bad the Republicans were.
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