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We're deep into the holiday gift-giving season, as you can tell from the fact that everywhere you look, you see jolly old St. Nick urging you to purchase things, to the point where you want to slug him right in his bowl full of jelly.
Dave Barry
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Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
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Deep
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Slug
Things
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Tell
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Jelly
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Everywhere
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Nick
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If you look at photos of the Gettysburg Address there's a guy off to the right who I think is Keith Richards.
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I'm one of those people who tells my wife, No coaching from the sidelines.
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There are two kinds of people in this world, and I am one of them.
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Print neatly. That's the kind of advice that the IRS considers a dynamite tax tip. If you ask them a real tax question, such as how you can cheat, they're useless.
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Spiders so large they appear to be wearing the pelts of small mammals.
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Europeans, like some Americans, drive on the right side of the road, except in England, where they drive on both sides of the road Italy, where they drive on the sidewalk and France, where if necessary they will follow you right into the hotel lobby.
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Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask whether your country has been inhaling paint-thinner fumes.
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Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.
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Today, you're 50. Now we can round your age up to 100! Happy 50th birthday!
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If you answered, ''Spin the Bottle,'' then I frankly do not want to know any more about your childhood.
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What I need is a search engine that, no matter what I type in, comes back with GO BACK TO WORK.
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Orangutan are very weird animals but they look very soulful.
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Someone was tapping on the window.
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Real cars were made here in America: Fords, Chevys, Plymouths. These were large chunks of Detroit iron - cars that had the size, weight, and handling characteristics of aircraft carriers but worse fuel efficiency.
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Seriously? You won’t help me?” “Help yourself get killed? No, I won’t.
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We believe that electricity exists, because the electric company keeps sending us bills for it, but we cannot figure out how it travels inside wires.
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Your hand and your mouth agreed many years ago that, as far as chocolate is concerned, there is no need to involve your brain.
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Instead of a permit system or regulations, the Forest Service needs to reduce worldwide population growth to limit the number of visitors to wilderness.
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