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If for some reason you are unsure where to go, all you have to do is stand there looking lost, and within seconds a helpful New Yorker will approach to see if you have any spare change.

Dave Barry

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Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
Approach
Stand
Yorker
Within
Unsure
Looking
Spare
Funny
Spares
Lost
Seconds
Change
Helpful
Reason
Humorous

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I have always dressed according to certain Basic Guy Fashion Rules,including: Both of your socks should always be the same color, Or they should at least both be fairly dark.
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I think Superman should go on the Larry King show and announce that he would come back to life if people in all 50 states wanted him to.
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It may be meaningless, but at least it's a gesture.
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This ball was so crowded that it took me - a trained professional journalist with vast experience in this area - forty five minutes to get a beer.
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The porpoises said hello to Molly. She told them all her teeth were green.
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Unless you live in Indonesia, there should be several malls within five miles of your home. It makes no difference whatsoever which one you go to: Under federal law, all malls in the United States must have the same 42 chain stores.
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Here in Miami, on weekends, amusement-seekers will come to the marina, set up folding chairs, and spend a highly entertaining day watching boat owners perform comical maneuvers such as forgetting to set their parking brakes and having their cars roll down the ramp and disappear, burbling gaily, below the surface.
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But the feeling I have, you know, is that I'll never come close to reading all, or even a thousandth- a billionth- of the books I'd probably love if I ever got to them.
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Today's scientific question is: What in the world is electricity? And where does it go after it leaves the toaster?
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Although humans tend to view sex as mainly a fun recreational activity sometimes resulting in death, in nature it is a far more serious matter.
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Before going on a diet you should consult your doctor, or at least send him some money.
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I read Remembrance of Things Past in the original French. I never start the day without reading me some [Marcel] Proust.
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Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
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If you answered, ''Spin the Bottle,'' then I frankly do not want to know any more about your childhood.
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Socially prominent people are very fond of disease, because it gives them a chance to have these really elaborate charity functions, and the newspaper headlines say 'EVENING IN PARIS BALL RAISES MONEY TO FIGHT GOUT' instead of 'RICH PEOPLE AMUSE THEMSELVES'.
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He's a boating enthusiast, although that phrase seems too weak to describe the level of his interest, kind of like describing someone as a heroin fancier.
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Although it was constructed in 1536, the New York subway system boasts an annual maintenance budget of nearly $8, currently stolen, and it does a remarkable job of getting New Yorkers from Point A to an indeterminate location somewhere in the tunnel leading to point B.
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The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads, whereas balding white men look like giant thumbs.
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At least once per year, some group of scientists will become very excited and announce that: •The universe is even bigger than they thought! •There are even more subatomic particles than they thought! •Whatever they announced last year about global warming is wrong.
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If everybody were a guy, the human race could easily get by on less than one twentieth the current number of shoes.
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