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Flying from the United States to Tokyo takes approximately as long as law school.

Dave Barry

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Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
Takes
Law
United
Funny
Approximately
School
Tokyo
States
Japan
Long
Humorous
Flying

More quotes by Dave Barry

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Most of the presidential candidates' economic packages involve 'tax breaks,' which is when the government, amid great fanfare, generously decides not to take quite so much of your income. In other words, these candidates are trying to buy your votes with your own money.
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Please try not to be such a wiener-head.
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What was life like in the colonies? Probably the best word to describe it would be colonial.
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Dogsled-riding is a sport that is relaxing as well as fragrant.
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Do not spit gum in the drinking fountains.
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England manufactures most of the world's airline food, as well as all the food you ever ate in your junior-high-school cafeteria.
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I suspect that LaGuardia is an elaborate prank, and New York has a real airport nearby that only locals know about.
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I have a friend named Doris who argues, on good authority, that the single biggest cause of global warming is menopause.
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By today's beauty standards, of course, Marilyn Monroe was an oil tanker.
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Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
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Spiders so large they appear to be wearing the pelts of small mammals.
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Chair lifts need to be in some places so that we can get to wonderful views without having to hike to them.
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Dinner Special - Turkey $2.35 Chicken or Beef $2.25 Children $2.00
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Congress is thinking about eliminating a federal program under which scientists broadcast signals to Alien beings. This would be a large mistake. Alien beings have atomic blaster death cannons. You cannot cut off their federal programs as if they were merely poor people.
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If you answered, ''Spin the Bottle,'' then I frankly do not want to know any more about your childhood.
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Leonard Aster thanked Fighting Prawn and the Mollusk tribe for their hospitality. “You mean,” said Fighting Prawn, “for not killing you?” “Yes,” said Leonard. “It was very gracious of you.” “Do you,” said Leonard, “I mean, does you tribe, shake hands?” “No,” said Fighting Prawn. “We kiss on the lips.” “Oh,” said Leonard, looking very alarmed.
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There comes a time in a man's life when he hears the call of the sea. If the man has a brain in his head, he will hang up the phone immediately.
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...Hell, which as every frequent traveler knows, is in Concourse D of O'Hare Airport.
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Guys care about sports teams. I'm not talking about simply rooting I'm talking about a relationship that guys develop, a commitment to a sport team that guys take way more seriously than, for example, wedding vows.
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Just get on any major highway, and eventually it will dead-end in a Disney parking area large enough to have its own climate, populated by large nomadic families who have been trying to find their cars since the Carter administration.
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