Quote

Earnest is our dog. She senses instantly that something is wrong, and guided by that timeless and unerring nurturing instinct that all female dogs have, she tries to lick my ears off.

Dave Barry

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Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
Ears
Instantly
Dog
Timeless
Female
Earnest
Humor
Tries
Wrong
Dogs
Unerring
Funny
Humorous
Lick
Trying
Senses
Nurturing
Something
Instinct
Guided

More quotes by Dave Barry

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Granted, this system is insane, but we must not let sanity stand in the way of airport security.
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More and more products are coming out in fiercely protective packaging designed to prevent consumers from consuming them. These days you have to open almost every consumer item by gnawing on the packaging.
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I was a young person once, shortly after the polar ice caps retreated, and I distinctly recall believing that virtually all adults were clueless goobers.
Dave Barry
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...light overcomes darkenss. A tiny match can illuminate the darkest room. As long as there is some light somewhere in the universe, [darkness] can be defeated.
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The Sixties are now considered a historical period, just like the Roman Empire.
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England manufactures most of the world's airline food, as well as all the food you ever ate in your junior-high-school cafeteria.
Dave Barry
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Never trust anything you read in a travel article. Travel articles appear in publications that sell large, expensive advertisements to tourism-related industries, and these industries do not wish to see articles with headlines like: URUGUAY: DON'T BOTHER.
Dave Barry
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You can use the Internet to find out, from anywhere on the planet: exactly how much coffee is in a certain coffee machine at Cambridge University in England exactly how many sodas are available in certain vending machines at certain major universities and much, much more.
Dave Barry
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It is important to be nice. But sometimes niceness can be misconstrued as weak. Should we be nice to everybody? Should we be nice only when others are nice to us? Here are some interesting views about being nice. Read these nice quotes and turn on your niceness.
Dave Barry
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The Spanish government, having run completely out of money, secretly sold the Pyrenees to China, and is now separated from France only by traffic cones.
Dave Barry
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The world is full of strange phenomena that cannot be explained by the laws of logic or science. Dennis Rodman is only one example.
Dave Barry
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The only really good place to buy lumber is at a store where the lumber has already been cut and attached together in the form of furniture finished and put inside boxes.
Dave Barry
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The IRS wants you to use this form because it gets to keep most of your money. So unless you have pond silt for brains, you want the long form.
Dave Barry
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Trails need to be reconstructed. Please avoid building trails that go uphill.
Dave Barry
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With a novel, you have to have a story. It's much more important to have it matter to the reader what happens to people, and it has to make sense and end in a way that is satisfying. So I spend a lot more time thinking about that. Then the writing itself usually is easier for me, because I know where it's going.
Dave Barry
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As a taxpayer, you are required to be fully in compliance with the United States Tax Code, which is currently the size and weight of the Budweiser Clydesdales.
Dave Barry
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We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is second to none in the world, unless you count maybe 25 or 30 little scuzzball countries like Scotland that we could vaporize in seconds if we felt like it.
Dave Barry
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My son, Rob....said the only time he ever wraps a gift is, quote, if it's such a poor gift that I don't want to be there when the person opens it.
Dave Barry
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Why do we shave? It doesn't seem like a natural activity. There are no examples of shaving in nature. The only creature that comes close is the male South Pacific Groping Beetle, which sometimes, just before mating, will slap on a little Aqua Velva. But we think this resulted from atomic testing.
Dave Barry
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The scrub sink...is the place where doctors wash their hands after they operate so that they won't get flecks of your vital organs on their Lexus upholstery.
Dave Barry