Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
It was you readers who really came through, proving once again that when the American people decide to get involved in a problem, it is best not to let them have any sharp implements.
Dave Barry
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
People
Involved
Implements
Came
Proving
American
Sharp
Funny
Readers
America
Humorous
Problem
Decide
Best
Prove
Really
Reader
More quotes by Dave Barry
You should definitely visit the Louvre, a world-famous art museum where you can view, at close range, the backs of thousands of other tourists trying to see the Mona Lisa.
Dave Barry
In 1765, Parliament passed the Stamp Act, which, as any American high school student can tell you, was an act that apparently had something to do with stamps.
Dave Barry
The letters in 'Brace Beemer' can be arranged to spell 'Embrace Beer.'
Dave Barry
Within less than an hour, Chuck and I easily located what could well be the correct platform, where we pass the time by perspiring freely until the train storms in, colorfully decorated, as is the tradition in New York, with the spray-painted initials of all the people it has run over.
Dave Barry
Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
Dave Barry
There was nowhere to sit except the bunk, which was covered with rotting food, and a wooden stool, upon which sat a large fur-covered lump—an old cheese, perhaps, or a dead cat.
Dave Barry
I always assumed that at some point I would have to quit making jokes, get a real job and do something meaningful and productive that would actually benefit society. Fortunately this never happened.
Dave Barry
The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion or ethnic background, is that we all believe we are above-average drivers.
Dave Barry
Talking about golf is always boring. Playing golf can be interesting, but not the part where you try to hit the little ball only the part where you drive the cart.
Dave Barry
Never trust anything you read in a travel article.
Dave Barry
UNIVAC: a device, which contained 20,000 vacuum tubes, occupied 1,500 square feet and weighed 40 tons there was also a laptop version weighing 27 tons.
Dave Barry
If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be 'meetings.'
Dave Barry
I, alone, could never have produced this book. I say this mainly in case there are lawsuits.
Dave Barry
Albert Einstein, who discovered that a tiny amount of mass is equal to a huge amount of energy, which explains why, as Einstein himself so eloquently put it in a famous 1939 speech to the Physics Department at Princeton, 'You have to exercise for a week to work off the thigh fat from a single Snickers.'
Dave Barry
The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.
Dave Barry
What may seem depressing or even tragic to one person may seem like an absolute scream to another person, especially if he has had between four and seven beers.
Dave Barry
The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting.
Dave Barry
Babies and Other Hazards of Sex: How to Make a Tiny Person in Only 9 Months, with Tools You Probably Have around the Home.
Dave Barry
Several years ago we had an intern who was none too swift. One day he was typing and turned to a secretary and said, I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do? Just use copier machine paper, she told him. With that, the intern took his last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five blank copies
Dave Barry
If you were to open up a baby's head - and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should - you would find nothing but an enormous drool gland.
Dave Barry
